What Does “Effort” Actually Look Like in Dating?

Tanai wanted to fall in love. But every time a relationship started getting serious, something strange happened: she'd suddenly lose attraction, find reasons to dislike her partner, and feel an overwhelming urge to escape.Breaking up brought immediate relief. But sometimes, as soon as the relationship ended, her feelings would come rushing back.In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Tanai, a self-described commitment-phobe to explore what it's actually like to experience avoidant attachment—and whether those patterns can change.Tanai opens up about the relationships she sabotaged, the people she hurt, and the years she spent trying to understand why intimacy could feel so threatening. We also compare our own experiences with avoidant attachment, including the confusing combination of wanting closeness and feeling trapped by it.We also discuss:Why Tanai would suddenly lose attraction when a relationship became seriousWhy someone can seem completely interested on a date and then pull away afterwardWhy she learned to become exactly what she thought men wantedWhy learning to say no helped Tanai feel safer in relationshipsThe surprising date she went on without her two front teethFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Tanai:https://www.instagram.com/tanaimilgram

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Derek, a 40-year-old Austin single who's spent the last few years rethinking how he approaches dating, relationships, and masculinity.From alpha-male influencers telling men to play games and withhold attention to social media convincing men that women don't want to be approached, Derek believes a lot of men are losing sight of how to date and what actually makes a man attractive to women.His suggestion? Stop trying to impress other men and start listening to women.We also talk about his own dating experiences, the mistakes he's made in relationships, and why he's learning to approach dating with more self-awareness, honesty, and a little less pressure.We also discuss:What makes approaching women in real life so intimidating—even for confident menWhy having close female friends can make men better at datingWhy being intentional doesn't mean promising someone a future togetherWhether men know immediately if they see someone as a potential long-term partnerWhy you don't need to have your entire life figured out before finding loveFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Derek:https://www.instagram.com/thiscantbeadultinpodcast

Jenn got married at 22, spent 14 years married, and then found herself navigating modern dating for essentially the first time in her mid-30s.Growing up Mormon, Jenn felt enormous pressure to marry young. She followed the rules, married before she'd really experienced dating, and eventually realized that some of the biggest decisions of her life hadn't entirely been made on her own terms.After her divorce, everything changed.Suddenly, she was navigating dating apps, situationships, ghosting, love bombing, and men who couldn't seem to communicate consistently. She even spent a couple of years dating younger men in what she calls her “cougar era.”But those experiences taught her something important about herself—and about what she actually needs in a relationship.In this episode of Last Date, Jenn shares how she went from feeling naive and anxious about dating to becoming more confident, intentional, and comfortable walking away from relationships that don't feel right.We also discuss:Growing up Mormon and feeling pressured to marry youngHer post-divorce “cougar era” and why she initially preferred younger menWhy she doesn't want good morning texts from someone she's just started datingWhy she refuses to give men her Instagram before they've taken her on a dateWhy divorce shouldn't automatically be viewed as a failureFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on Youtube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Jenn:https://www.instagram.com/jenncroshawhttps://www.tiktok.com/@jennzpodcast

What happens when you're a country singer whose dating life keeps inspiring new songs?In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Kylie Hernandez, a 22-year-old Austin country singer who's learned to turn heartbreak, disappointing dates, and complicated relationships into music.Kylie has written songs about most of the men she's dated—including an ex who cheated on her and ended up marrying the other woman. But being a performer also creates some unusual challenges in dating. How can she tell whether someone genuinely likes her or is just attracted to the attention that comes with being onstage?We talk about the men who've inspired her music, what she's learned about walking away from people who won't commit, and why she still believes in old-fashioned romance.We also discuss:- The ex who cheated on Kylie after two years together and the song he inspired- An older man who made her feel like they were in a relationship but wouldn't commit- The bizarre messages she gets from male fans- A chance encounter on Sixth Street that turned into a romantic date in New York- What happened the one time she approached a man she found attractive- How women can signal interest without making the first moveFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Kylie:https://www.instagram.com/kyliehernandezzzhttps://www.tiktok.com/@itskyliehernandez

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Haley, a 26-year-old who moved from Scottsdale to Austin after a breakup with someone she thought she was going to marry.When that relationship ended, Haley wasn't just grieving the loss of her boyfriend. She was also grieving the future she'd imagined with him—and suddenly doing the math on how long it might take to find someone new.Haley believes there's a growing disconnect between young women who feel pressure to get married and have children before 30 and men who don't expect to be ready for commitment until their 30s.We talk about how those competing timelines affect dating, why the pressure to settle down can actually cause people to settle for the wrong person, and how Haley's own breakup forced her to reconsider what she wanted out of her 20s.We also discuss:- The experience of falling in love with one of your best friends- Why losing a romantic partner who was also your best friend can be particularly painful- The little things her ex stopped doing before their relationship ended- Why Haley hates the dating advice “If he wanted to, he would”- Her spontaneous trip to Miami to meet a man from Raya- Why she thinks dating advice on social media is making relationships harder- How men in Austin are better at approaching women than the men in ScottsdaleFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Haley:https://www.instagram.com/halesspencehttps://www.tiktok.com/@itmehaless

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Ashley to talk about something many of us do when we really want someone to like us: we try to be the version of ourselves we think they’ll want.Ashley and I talk about what happens when we do the opposite—when we let someone see the silly, playful, quirky parts of ourselves that we might normally hold back. Those little moments can feel risky, but they can also become the things that make someone uniquely attractive to us and create a kind of connection we don't have with everyone else.We also discuss:The on-and-off relationship Ashley couldn't seem to let go ofWhy becoming a mom young has actually taken some of the pressure off dating in her 30sWhat it’s like to talk to someone every night only to discover the chemistry felt completely different in personThe difficulty of meeting men organically when your routine puts you around almost exclusively womenHer three-year crush on her “Barry's boyfriend”—whom she's never actually spoken to, and our plan for finally getting her to talk to himHer mom's unsuccessful attempts to get her marriedWhat if the parts of yourself you’re tempted to hide are actually the parts someone else is going to fall for?Follow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Ashley:https://www.instagram.com/ashleyseiboldhttps://www.tiktok.com/@ashley_seibold

For the past year, I've been sitting down with singles and talking about how they're navigating modern dating.And the same questions keep coming up.Why does someone come on incredibly strong, only to suddenly pull away? Why do people behave like they're in relationships but refuse to define them? How much should we trust the “spark”?So I traveled to New York to sit down with Dr. Marisa Cohen, a relationship scientist, psychology professor, and licensed marriage and family therapist, to find out what the research actually says about the things my guests have been experiencing. We discuss:Why people “love bomb”Why situationships are so difficult to navigateWhen to have the “what are we?” conversationWhere our dating preferences and dealbreakers come fromWhether there is truth behind “if he wanted to, he would”The growing backlash against coffee and walking datesWhat you should really be looking for on a first dateHow to give the “spark” a nudgeVulnerability versus trauma dumping Why people prefer to stay “pen pals” on dating apps instead of actually meetingWhat people lie about on dating appsHow dating-app filters may cause us to eliminate people we'd actually be attracted to in real lifeModern dating comes with no shortage of rules, theories, TikTok terminology, and conflicting advice. But what does relationship science actually tell us about how attraction, compatibility, and relationships work?Follow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Dr. Marisa Cohen: https://www.instagram.com/marisatcohenhttps://www.marisatcohen.com/

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with content creator Madi Marotta to talk about situationships and why it can be so difficult to walk away from them—even when you know the person you’re with isn’t giving you the relationship you want.Madi tells me about a guy she met while living in Nashville who became a recurring character in her life for the next year and a half. There was immediate chemistry, ghosting, reconnecting, exclusivity, a breakup—and eventually another attempt to see if there was still something between them.We unpack the difference between being attached to someone and being attached to the idea of them, why potential can make it especially difficult to let someone go, and what Madi is beginning to recognize about her own relationship patterns.We also discuss:- Why Madi would rather double-text than sit around wondering if a guy is interested- Getting ghosted without closure—and why that can make it harder to move on- “Menu Man” and the most elaborate at-home dates she's ever been on- Why we sometimes keep going back to a situationship even after someone has repeatedly shown us they don't want a relationship- Dating as a content creator and what happens when the person you're dating becomes part of your content- “Gnats”: The exes and former situationships who never quite disappear- Rose-colored glasses and getting attached to someone's potentialMadi is refreshingly candid about something a lot of us experience in dating: knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two very different things.Follow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Madi:https://www.instagram.com/madimarottahttps://www.tiktok.com/@madimarotta

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Katie (aka DJ Kitty), who finds herself in a dating situation she never expected.Katie has always been intentional about dating and clear about one of her biggest non-negotiables: she wants to marry a Catholic man.Then she met someone she really liked. There's just one problem: he's Jewish.Normally, Katie says she would have learned that and immediately walked away. This time, she's doing something very different—continuing to date him while trying to become more comfortable with not knowing exactly how the story is going to end.Her experience raises a bigger question for anyone dating with a list of preferences and dealbreakers: How do you know which standards you should hold onto—and which ones might be preventing you from discovering a connection you never expected?We also discuss:- Why Katie believes you shouldn't go all-in on someone too early- Dating multiple people until someone has earned exclusivity- How to actually become more open-minded about your “type”- Dating as a DJ—and the kinds of men who approach her at shows- Why confidence can make an otherwise ordinary guy immediately stand out- The surprisingly elaborate second date Katie turned down- What Katie means when she says women want men to “lead”- How much texting is too much in the early stages of datingFollow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lastdatepodcastFollow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatibleFollow Katie:https://www.instagram.com/djkitty_8

In this episode of Last Date, I sit down with Alexa to unpack a string of recent dating experiences that left her asking the same question: How do you know when someone's early interest is actually real?Alexa tells me about a man she met who seemed to be doing everything right. He was consistent, intentional, excited to see her, introduced her to his friends, and made some surprisingly big statements about where he saw things going.At first, his actions seemed to back up his words...until they didn't.We unpack what happened, the moments Alexa now sees differently in hindsight, and how difficult it can be to distinguish genuine intention from the excitement and intensity of a new connection. We also discuss:- A bizarre encounter with a man who wanted to cuddle before they'd even gone on a date- Why Alexa dates far more in Austin than she does in Chicago- Why dating apps can create a “grass is greener” mentality- And how a good conversation can create attraction for men who aren't classically handsome. How much should you trust what someone shows you at the beginning—and how long does it take to find out who they really are?Follow this channel for future conversations about modern dating and relationships.Follow on Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/4UxCPDRQmJuQXLXIM7srrIFollow Alexa: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifewithlex444https://www.instagram.com/@lifewlex444Follow Danny on Instagram for clips and insights:⁠https://www.instagram.com/lastdatepodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/cruxcompatible