409 – Lurid Malarkey

In which Professor Xavier is a jock; all of Shadowcat’s friends are dead; Storm recruits a team; Bishop makes new pals; and everyone gets festive. X-PLAINED: Some of Mystique’s secret kids Uncanny X-Men #389 X-Men #109 Charles Xavier’s workout routine Two funerals Rave (the drug) The wrong necklace Destiny’s doodles A large knife Charles Xavier/Moira MacTaggert backstory A snowball fight A very sketchy circus A break-up “Christmas cheer” A mysterious package An X-Men nativity Sage (Tessa) Origins of X-Treme X-Men Several gifts, some more mysterious than others Charles Xavier’s legacy Warwolves (more) (again) Archangel’s color vision NEXT EPISODE: Colossus dies! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which there are a lot of explosions in X-Force; Great Britain-616 is to intelligence as Canada-616 is to military; Alastair Stuart used to be fun; Emma Frost is here to stomp on your dreams; Chamber joins the X-Men; and the Generation X kids graduate themselves. X-PLAINED: Revolution (again) Counter-X (again) X-Force #114-115 Generation X #75 Yet another origin of humanity and/or life on Earth (again) The World Engine Accurate representation of CD-Rs Genetech A swimsuit interlude Agent Corben Alastair Stuart (more) (again) A kidnapping A really amazingly terrible plan A particularly large explosion The remaining 14 issues of X-Force vol. 1 An interlude at Applebee’s Bad times at the New Xavier School A murder (more) (again) Intersectional superheroism An additional bonus murder An invitation Many goodbyes What happens next to the Generation X kids NEXT EPISODE: The end of Revolution Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Jay remains angry at a font; a person who is obviously Kang the Conqueror is not in fact Kang the Conqueror; the pig men deserve better; and Nightcrawler should never, ever, ever be allowed to attempt grief counseling. X-PLAINED: Storm/Cable Cable #85-86, 88 Cable (more)(again) Earth-4935 Mother Askani Irene Merryweather Several cryptic witches Are you as dangerous as you think martial arts training for advanced students Shin An unlikely sound effect The Black Dawn A time catapult An End of Time Earth-805110 The House on the Borderline Gaunt One of Esad Ribic’s more entertaining accomplishments A fight One way to weaponize the T-O virus The future past of Rachel Summers Cable’s friendship with Moira MacTaggert Streets of Fire Grief counseling? Sort of? I guess? A very impressive spear Our muppet counterparts NEXT EPISODE: Two endings! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Widget takes a heel turn; there is some confusion over sword identification; we appreciate Sir Benedict of the Falls; the Braddock family has a lot going on; and Otherworld changes hands. X-PLAINED: Names for flying horses Excalibur (2001 miniseries) #1-4 Captain Britain (Brian Braddock) (briefly) (again) The Black Knight (Dane Whitman) Darkmoor Research Facility Sword and amulet distribution Strider the Horse Why all the horses of Asgard have Tolkien names Sir Benedict of the Falls and his many axes One way to win a bridge fight Sword pops Several continuity errors Holographic James Braddock The Dad Cave Otherworld eugenecists A coronation A twist Some potential X-Factor lineups Life expectancies of mutants with healing factors NEXT EPISODE: Cable fights some guys. Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Banshee is chronically hapless; the team gets new costumes (again); Chamber is a self-fulfilling prophecy; toddlers will sell you out in a hot minute; Moira MacTaggert is definitively not in; we are frustrated by excessive ambiguity; and it’s not Rashômon, but it’ll do. X-PLAINED: Banshee post-Generation X Generation X #71-74 Interior decorating New costumes (again) Chamber, but a housecat A meet-cute Teen angst Fashion An extremely awkward conversation A brief history of boba in the United States A fracas Fun things to do with extra skin Evolving teacher-student relationships Poor interrogation technique Husk vs. international terrorism, in general Ghosts of the Massachusetts Academy Villains and heroes we think would be neat as the reverse A world in which Peridot of Steven Universe imprinted on X-Men NEXT EPISODE: Fast times in Otherworld! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!  

In which history repeats itself; Senator Kelly prevaricates (and then dies); Magneto keeps the cape on; Mystique does evil science; Post remains irrelevant (and then dies); Pyro saves the day (and then dies); Cable is a large man; Moira MacTaggert does the astral nasty (and then dies); and we really, really, really want to go to Froggy World. X-PLAINED: Moira MacTaggert’s mutation A dubious plan Evidence that we are in the wrong universe Other crossovers named “Dream’s End” A significant disclaimer Uncanny X-Men #388 Cable #87 Bishop: The Last X-Men #16 X-Men #108 A surprise presidential platform Sir Gordon Phillips and his guests The new Brotherhood of Mutants Cable’s hair A lot of movie allusions An ambiguous explosion A deeply pointless retcon An illusion Cable’s psimitar Pyro’s last stand Dickalogue Astral sex The (apparent) death of Moira MacTaggert A weird bonding moment in a cemetery How to identify a time traveler The (actual) death of Senator Robert Kelly Mutant-free parts of the Marvel Universe Froggy World NEXT EPISODE: Generation X! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog! Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!  

In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc. X-PLAINED: The New Son The First Half of Maximum Security Gambit #23 X-Men #107 X-Men Unlimited #29 Maximum Security #3 (briefly) Several of Gambit’s buddies How to dress for… stealth? I guess? Heth’sa of the planet Culth Where Carl the X-Cutioner got his silly outfit A heist How to restore your lost honor without messing up the timeline 12-18 milkshakes What Colossus is into these days Vampire clowns (maybe) Z’Cann The Blood Brothers Vibes memories A big fight A touching moment of touching Mechamage, briefly Quasar, superficially Cadre K The Skrull cows Writing for the trade vs. podcast pacing Limits of power-cancelling accessories NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s Rather Anticlimactic End! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog! Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka. X-PLAINED: The fate of the D’Bari Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet Maximum Security #1 Uncanny X-Men #387 Iron Man #35 Bishop the Last X-Man #15 Voting in space A bad plan U.S. Agent (John Walker) A peculiar marketplace A dangerous hat Starhammer Space romance problems Breaking into Earth Max Power Magic dirt Littletown, Nebraska An extremely upsetting baby A very impressive crash landing What Bishop’s been up to Human X-characters we’d like to see more of Some kid named Michael Trading cards we’d like NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which we sure did that. X-PLAINED: Miracles of magnetism Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security! Special thanks to: Producer, fellow musketeer, and all-around mensch Matt Hunter Episode 500 guests David Maybury and Josephine Riesman David’s blog and upcoming Vegas trivia tournament Josie’s website and Morrison run-focused podcast Illustrator David Wynne Producers Emeritus Bobby Roberts, Kyle Yount, and Kurt Lloyd Parental-leave pinch hitters Al Kennedy and Dylan Higgins Everyone who’s made the X-comics what they are Our families, friends, and enablers Our kickass patrons, who make this podcast possible All of our listeners, who make this podcast worthwhile Please consider this to be the visual companion to episode 500. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which we meet some delightful monsters; Cannonball is a man who knows how to wear overalls; Domino is the Leslie Knope of X-Force; red liquid babies deserve love, too; and not all British authors know each other. X-PLAINED: A murder X-Force #110-113 Peak butts Domestic bliss Misplaced guilt Several monsters Comics Codium Warborgs and/or Rawborgs Poison problems Additional monsters SHIELD business Large guns Still more monsters How monsters interact with the Bechdel Test Cuckoo Prescribed narcotics Life Model Decoys (more) (again) X-major arcana NEXT EPISODE: Apparently we’ve made 500 of these? Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog! Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!