Building Careers Through Relationships: Mark Herschberg

The age of the top-down, "do as I say" leader is obsolete. We all know it, yet many organisations are still clinging to the old command and control model. Why? Because most leaders are terrified of what comes next. The fear of relinquishing control is real, and a vague "coaching culture" isn't a strong enough replacement. In this powerful episode from the archive, Andy Lopata is joined by globally recognised leadership coach and author of The Enabling Manager, Myles Downey. Myles argues that the solution isn't to abandon control, but to transform it. He unveils his practical and humane "Align and Enable" framework—a model that replaces outdated authority with a dynamic balance of "Will" (clarity, accountability) and "Love" (trust, nurturing). Discover how to lead, manage, and coach effectively to unlock true team engagement and high performance. This is the practical blueprint for the future of leadership you've been waiting for. In this episode you will learn Why is simply creating a "coaching culture" a dangerous trap that leaves many managers feeling fearful and ineffective? What can leaders learn from the US military's "mission command" about empowering teams to make decisions without losing control? How can balancing the two essential human drives of "Love" (enabling) and "Will (accountability) transform you from a boss into a true leader? What are the three simple pillars—the Why, What, and How—that create true team alignment and unlock extraordinary performance? How are Millennials and Gen Z forcing a leadership revolution, and what happens to the leaders who refuse to adapt? 3 Actionable Insights Adopt the Lead, Manage, Coach Framework: Understand that your role is multifaceted. Build a Trust-Based Relationship First: The "Align and Enable" model only works on a foundation of trust. Before you can effectively lead, manage, or coach, you must invest time in understanding your team members. This trust is what gives you the permission to switch between the different modes of leadership. Don't Just Delegate Tasks, Communicate the Mission: Ensure every team member understands the overarching business objective and exactly how their role contributes to it. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Myles Downey: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 149 Featuring Myles Downey

You believe your biggest competitive advantage is the quality of your work. You’re wrong. In today’s fast-paced world, your customers have quietly started to care about something else far more. In this sharp and eye-opening episode from the archive, Andy Lopata revisits his conversation with customer experience expert David Avrin, who drops a bombshell: for the first time in history, convenience has officially supplanted quality as the primary reason customers choose you—or leave you. This isn't just about faster delivery. It's a deep dive into the hidden points of friction—the frustrating websites, the chatbot dead-ends, the rigid policies—that are silently driving your best customers to your competitors. David provides a masterclass on how to stop frustrating your audience and start being ridiculously easy to do business with. This episode is an urgent wake-up call for any leader who thinks "good enough" is still good enough. Key Takeaways  What is the crucial difference between Customer Service and Customer Experience (and why does getting it wrong make your relationships irrelevant)? Why do customers now willingly pay more for the exact same item just to get it one day sooner, even when they don't need it? What is the “voicemail of the internet” that 86% of your potential customers refuse to use (and is it on your website right now)? What is the magic six-word phrase your team can use to turn a frustrating policy-driven "no" into a moment of customer loyalty? How are your automated emails and "please take our survey" requests secretly pushing your most loyal customers away for good? Tune in to learn more and gain more insights from this episode of the Connected Leadership Bytes Actionable Insights Become Ridiculously Easy to Do Business With: Conduct a "friction audit" of your customer's journey. Map every step from initial contact to final follow-up and identify every delay, complicated form, or frustrating process. Challenge your team to cut at least four unnecessary steps this month. Digitise the Process, Personalise the Person: Use automation for routine, one-way communications like billing or newsletters. However, ensure every automated system has a clear, easy-to-find "off-ramp" to a real human. Never automate personal follow-ups where a human touch is expected. Empower Your Team to Say "Yes": Stop neutering your employees with rigid policies. Train them on what a good decision looks like within your business model and give them the authority to be flexible. Equip them with the phrase, "Let me tell you what I can do," to solve problems on the spot. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with David Avrin: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 148 Featuring David Avrin

What does masculinity mean in today's workplace? This episode moves beyond outdated stereotypes to explore the powerful dynamic of masculine and feminine energies—and why a healthy balance is crucial for modern leadership. Andy Lopata is joined by Stephen Whitton, a leader from the UK automotive industry, and DEI practitioner Moe Carrick. Together, they redefine masculine energy as the drive for goals and competition, and feminine energy as the capacity for compassion, collaboration, and empathy. The conversation reveals how workplaces have historically over-promoted dysfunctional masculine traits like "rugged individualism" while suppressing essential feminine ones, to the detriment of all genders. Andy, Stephen and Moe discuss the paradox faced by men and women: women who display masculine traits are often labeled "aggressive," while men who show vulnerability are seen as "weak." The guests provide actionable advice for leaders, from fostering curiosity and psychological safety to systemising "connective labour"—the essential work of making employees feel seen and valued. This episode isn't about demonising masculinity. It’s a powerful call to celebrate its positive aspects—like drive and courage—while integrating them with the feminine energies we all possess, allowing everyone to show up as their authentic, whole selves. What We Discussed in the Episode: Energy, Not Gender: Reframing the debate from a binary of men and women to a spectrum of "masculine" (driven, competitive) and "feminine" (collaborative, empathetic) energies that exist in everyone. The Cost of Imbalance: Workplaces have long rewarded dysfunctional masculine traits while penalising feminine ones, leading to burnout, a lack of authenticity, and poor mental well-being for all employees. The Vulnerability Paradox: Vulnerability is a key feminine trait essential for modern leadership, yet men are often punished for showing it, while women are penalised for displaying traditionally "strong" masculine traits. The Leadership Shift: Leaders must actively cultivate environments of curiosity and acceptance. Celebrating Healthy Masculinity: The goal isn't to eliminate masculine energy but to integrate it. Drive, ambition, and strength are vital, but become truly powerful when balanced with compassion and collaboration. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Moe Carrick: Website |LinkedIn | Connect with Stephen Whitton: Website The Last Human Job by Allison Pugh The Athena Doctrine by John Gerzema and Michael D'Antonio  The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Are you the best-kept secret in your organisation? You work hard, you deliver results, but when it comes to promotions and opportunities, you're consistently overlooked. The hard truth is: in today's crowded world, just doing a good job is no longer enough to get ahead. In this episode from the archive, Andy Lopata revisits a powerful conversation with brand identity expert Jane Bayler, a veteran of the high-stakes world of advertising. Jane reveals why being "nice" might be the very thing holding you back and how the most successful leaders learn to stand out for their difference—not just their performance. This isn't about being the loudest person in the room. It’s a masterclass in strategic communication, personal branding, and building a reputation that makes you indispensable. Discover how to command attention, earn recognition, and finally become the go-to authority that others seek out. Stop being a follower and start leading the pack. Key Takeaways From This Episode What is the "PIE" formula, and why does it prove that your actual job performance only accounts for 10% of your career progression? Why is being a "people pleaser" the fastest way to become vanilla, bland, and ultimately invisible in your career? How can you take credit for your ideas when someone else tries to claim them in a meeting, without being seen as arrogant or confrontational? Is it possible to build powerful relationships if you skip the after-work drinks? (And what can a bonsai tree teach you about networking?) Actionable Insights Stop Being a Generalist: Get known for being exceptional at one specific thing. Instead of presenting a confusing "basket" of all your skills, focus on a niche. This makes you the undeniable expert and the first person people think of for that specific challenge, opening the door for you to reveal your other talents later. Dare to Polarise (Respectfully): Stop telling people what you think they want to hear. Form a strong, well-reasoned opinion on a topic relevant to your field and be prepared to stand by it. People trust and remember those who stand for something, even if they don't always agree. Replace the Pint with a Personal Touch: Instead of relying on generic after-work drinks to build relationships, find a thoughtful, personalised way to show value. Share a book you know they'd love, send a relevant article, or give a small, meaningful gift. These gestures create a far more memorable and lasting connection than a hangover. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter YouTube Connect with Jane Bayler: Website |YouTube | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 147 Featuring Andy Woodfield and Jane Bayler

What happens when a leader's reputation crumbles in the public eye? Can trust ever be rebuilt? In this episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata returns to the archive to for a timely and critical conversation with reputation expert and media coach, Alan Stevens. Using the political firestorm of "Partygate" when Boris Johnson was Prime Minister as a case study, they dissect the catastrophic communication missteps that can shatter a leader's credibility and bring an entire organisation into disrepute. Alan reveals the golden rules of crisis management that were ignored, from the failure to communicate early and honestly to the disastrous "dead cat" strategy of creating distractions. This isn't just about politics; it’s a masterclass for any leader in any industry. Discover how to avoid the trap of surrounding yourself with "yes-people," why vulnerability is a superpower, and how to manage your reputation in a world where one wrong move can go viral. Are you prepared for your own ‘Partygate’ moment? Key Takeaways  What is the very first thing you must do when a crisis hits (that most leaders get disastrously wrong)? Why does the ‘dead cat’ strategy of creating a distraction often make a reputational crisis even worse? What is the simple ‘three strikes’ rule that can save your reputation from a career-ending social media meltdown? How can welcoming dissenting voices and critics actually become a leader's greatest superpower? Actionable Insights Follow the 'Speed, Honesty, Internal Comms' Rule: In a crisis, get the truth out quickly, starting with your own team, before speculation takes over. Everything you say must be true. Don't cover up the mistake; people forgive errors, but they never forgive a cover-up. Build a 'Challenge Culture': Actively seek out and reward those who challenge your ideas. A leader who surrounds themselves with "yes-people" is building a culture that is blind to risk and destined for a crisis. Schedule time to listen to people on the frontline. Implement a '30-Minute Rule' for Emotional Posts: If you're angry or frustrated online, draft your post or reply but wait 30 minutes before hitting send. This cooling-off period allows you to regain perspective and will almost always prevent you from posting something you'll regret. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Alan Stevens: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 146 Featuring Alan Stevens

Welcome to Connected Leadership Bytes. This week Andy Lopata looks back into the archive for a conversation from October 2020. This episode features Andy Woodfield and Dr. Heather Melville OBE and explores the practical, unfiltered realities of building truly diverse and inclusive teams. Andy Woodfield shares the story behind his mission to build one of PwC's most diverse leadership teams in just six months. He reveals it wasn't just for optics; it was driven by the core belief that you need diverse voices to spot both risks and hidden opportunities. The discussion moves past the buzzwords to confront the hard part: inclusion. Andy Woodfield shares his stark learning that "diversity leads to chaos" unless leaders actively work to harness it—it’s not a natural evolution. Dr. Melville provides powerful insights from her stellar career, explaining how she successfully overcame pushback by tying Diversity & Inclusion directly to the business case and client acquisition. Why you should listen 1. Why does Andy Woodfield warn that diversity, on its own, naturally leads to chaos, not inclusion? 2. What are the "micro-frictions" that systemically resist change, even when a leader has a clear vision? 3. How did Dr. Melville successfully reframe D&I work at RBS from an internal "nice-to-have" into a powerful client acquisition strategy? 4. Why does true diversity require leaders to be "prepared to be fired" for doing the right thing? Actionable Insights Stop Delegating Discovery: Dr. Melville points out that leaders who just delegate D&I to HR or use the same headhunters will get the same results. To find diverse talent, leaders must do the research and networking themselves and look in different places. Protect the Uniqueness: When onboarding a new senior hire (especially one from a diverse background), actively and repeatedly remind them why they were hired. As Andy Woodfield notes, their desire to "fit in" is high. Your job is to reinforce that their unique perspective is the value, not something to be minimised. Find the Business Case: To overcome pushback, tie D&I directly to business outcomes. Dr. Melville successfully argued that unsupported female employees were leaving to become entrepreneurs—and then taking their business to competitor banks. D&I wasn't just an internal metric; it was a client retention and acquisition strategy. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata:⁠ Website⁠ |⁠ Instagram⁠ |⁠ LinkedIn⁠ |⁠ X/Twitter⁠ |⁠ YouTube⁠ Connect with Heather Melville:⁠ Website⁠ |⁠LinkedIn⁠ | Connect with Andy Woodfield:⁠ Website⁠ ⁠The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring⁠ ⁠Episode 142 Featuring Andy Woodfield and Heather Melville⁠

Are the people you spend time with making you better or holding you back? This episode examines Jim Rohn's famous idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jake Thompson, a leadership performance coach and the Chief Encouragement Officer at Compete Every Day, joins the show to unpack this powerful concept. He has spent over a decade working with leaders at organisations like Deloitte and the Dallas Cowboys, helping them achieve better results. Jake started his brand, Compete Every Day, in 2011 by selling t-shirts from his car and has since impacted over 80,000 leaders and hosts a top 1% global podcast. In this conversation, Jake and Andy Lopata explore how to intentionally build a professional "starting lineup" while allowing personal relationships to grow organically. They discuss the critical difference between evaluating professional peers based on success and personal friends based on shared values and energy. Learn how to identify "drains" versus "radiators" in your life and the subtle art of the "slow fade"—distancing yourself from relationships that no longer serve your growth without confrontation. This episode is a masterclass in auditing your inner circle to ensure it aligns with the person you aspire to become. What we discussed: Your "Starting Five" Are the people you spend the most time with secretly holding you back, or are they the key to unlocking your future success? Values vs. Success: Should you judge your friends by their achievements or by something deeper? Discover the one quality that truly defines a valuable relationship. Drains vs. Radiators: Do you leave conversations feeling energised or exhausted? Learn the simple way to identify the "energy vampires" in your life. The "Slow Fade" Technique: Is it possible to end a draining friendship without a dramatic confrontation? Uncover the subtle art of "consciously uncoupling" from people who no longer fit in your life. The Power of Disagreement: Why surrounding yourself with people who only agree with you could be the biggest mistake you're making for your personal growth. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Jake Thompson: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

What happens when two traditional "alpha males"—a former rugby league champion and an ex-infantryman—sit down for a raw, unfiltered conversation about modern masculinity? Prepare to be challenged. In this powerful episode from the archives, host Andy Lopata brings together Luke Ambler, founder of the transformative men’s support network Andy’s Man Club, and Dion Jensen, a New Zealand special forces veteran and mental health advocate. Born from environments where showing weakness was a liability, both men now champion vulnerability as the ultimate strength. This is not a comfortable, politically correct chat. It’s a no-holds-barred exploration of the "toxic masculinity" debate, the role of men in a post-#MeToo world, and the crucial impact of leadership in shaping culture. From the changing rooms of professional sports to the front lines of conflict, Luke and Dion dissect why men struggle to open up and how leaders can create the psychological safety needed for genuine connection and high performance. This is the conversation every leader needs to hear about the unspoken dynamics in their teams. Key Takeaways Is the ultimate display of a leader's strength actually their willingness to be vulnerable first? What if "toxic masculinity" isn't a personality trait, but a product of the environments we fail to control? Why might the most effective champions for mental health be the very "alpha males" society often misunderstands? How can you create a culture of absolute safety where your team feels empowered to take off their "masks" and connect? Actionable Insights Lead with Vulnerability: In your next team meeting, be the first to share a professional challenge you're facing or a recent mistake you learned from. By modeling vulnerability, you grant permission for others to be open and build a foundation of trust. Define Your Environment’s Rules: As a leader, you are the chief of your tribe. Explicitly define and communicate the non-negotiable cultural rules for your team (e.g., "We address conflict directly," "We celebrate each other's wins"). An undefined environment breeds toxicity. Engineer Hope into Your Check-ins: Borrowing from Andy’s Man Club, don’t just ask your team what’s wrong. Make it a mandatory part of every one-on-one or team meeting to ask, “Tell me one positive from your week.” This actively builds a culture of hope and resilience. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Luke Ambler: Website  Connect with Dion Jensen: Website  The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 144 Toxic Masculinity' with Luke Ambler and Dion Jensen

Are your strongest, most energetic leaders secretly drowning? In this powerful episode of  Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy goes into the archives for a conversation that is more relevant today than ever before. He revisits the very first episode of the podcast, featuring two senior corporate leaders who appeared to have it all—until they didn't. This isn't just another talk on mental health; it's a raw, honest look inside the minds of high-achievers who hit rock bottom. Discover why the "brighter the light, the darker the shadow," and why the people you least expect are often the most vulnerable. Our guests, Jeff McDonald, former Global VP of HR for Unilever, and Perry Burton, Head of People and Culture at Grant Thornton, share their deeply personal stories. They shatter the myth that leadership is about invincibility and expose the performative wellness trap—where "bananas in the canteen" and a single "wellbeing week" replace genuine, strategic investment in people's health. Listen to learn how to transform your organisation's culture from one that diminishes its people to one that enhances their lives, making health the ultimate driver of performance. Key Takeaways The Brightest Lights Cast the Darkest Shadows: High-performers and seemingly energetic, positive leaders are often exceptionally good at masking their internal struggles. Vulnerability is a Leadership Superpower: When leaders share their own struggles, it normalises the conversation, reduces stigma, and creates a culture where it’s safe for others to ask for help. Health is a Performance Driver, Not a Perk: The energy of your people is your most critical asset. Asking for Help Isn't Giving Up; It's Refusing To: Seeking support is an act of strength and control, demonstrating a commitment to recovery and getting back on track. Actionable Insights Conduct a "Wellness Audit": As a leader, critically evaluate your company's efforts. Are you just offering perks (the "bananas in the canteen"), or are you actively changing workloads, management styles, and communication to genuinely reduce stress and enhance energy. Schedule Your Own "Self-Compassion" Block: You cannot pour from an empty glass. Block out 30 minutes in your calendar this week for a non-work activity you will not move (e.g., a walk without your phone, reading, listening to music). SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Geoff McDonald : Website |LinkedIn | Connect with Perry Burton: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Connected Leadership Gold: Geoff McDonald and Perry Burton

In a world fractured by tribalism and conflict, can the lessons learned from the frontlines of the Israeli-Palestinian divide transform how we lead? This episode isn't just a conversation; it's a raw, powerful, and profoundly human exploration of connection in the face of unimaginable division. Andy Lopata is joined by Danny Gal; Danny Gal is the author of The Belonging Paradox: How to Solve the Global Empathy Crisis. He is a leadership coach and social entrepreneur with over 30 years of experience working with leading companies like HP, Monday.com and Teva Pharmaceuticals. He has facilitated transformative dialogues, including bridge-building efforts between Israelis and Palestinians and the 1,000 Roundtables Dialogue, Israel’s largest public dialogue event. Grounded in the stark reality of the post-October 7th world, Danny shares why, for him, “despair is not an option.” He takes us inside the “safe spaces” he creates; sharing a stunning story of a Palestinian man who chose to build peace after his brother became a suicide bomber. But this is not just a geopolitical discussion. Danny masterfully translates these life-or-death lessons into the high-stakes environment of the modern workplace. He reveals why a CEO’s “authenticity” was destroying his team. He shares his four-step algorithm for offering “graceful challenges” that build people up, and why true empathy isn't about being nice—it's about your speed of recovery from conflict. This is an essential episode for any leader struggling with division, echo chambers, and building genuine trust. Danny delivers a masterclass in navigating the toughest human dynamics to foster connection and lead with profound humanity, whether in the boardroom or on the world stage. What we discussed: 1.     What is the "Belonging Paradox," and how does mastering the tension between our need for uniqueness and our desire to belong unlock truly effective leadership? 2.     Why is our common understanding of empathy flawed? Discover why your ability to recover from conflict is a far more powerful measure than simply "feeling for" others. 3.     How can a leadership team’s biggest failures become their greatest asset in building unbreakable trust? (Hint: It involves turning your next strategy meeting completely on its head). 4.     What happens when you sit down to truly listen to someone whose story fundamentally challenges your worldview, and how can this radical act of listening defuse even the most volatile conflicts at work? 5.     What is the simple, four-bullet algorithm that transformed a CEO's destructive criticism into empowering, "graceful challenges" that sparked innovation and loyalty? SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Danny Gal: Website |LinkedIn | Episode 205: Humanity Amidst Conflict with Will Kintish and Sobiya Jawaid Episode 199: How We Respond When Our Worldview Gets Challenged' with Noa Baum The Belonging Paradox: How to solve the global empathy crisis The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring