Becoming Friends

Lucas Radaelli is a fascinating individual, with genius polymath tendencies, and a hyper-fast response time with messages. He's definitely the type of friend you can rely on. He's originally from Brazil, currently a tech lead at Google, and he's completely blind and has been nearly his whole life.  I met him at a friend's house party in SF, and became curious about his circle of friendship and how he navigates that in the world. he was kind enough to share his experiences growing up, moving cities and countries, and some of the things that helped his friendships last from childhood to today. Highlights: "When I was a kid, when we played fighting with plastic swords... everyone would use a blindfold so that we would be on equal terms." "I always had to be very open from the beginning about the things that I needed." "I still talk a lot on the phone. So sometimes I'm in here, having dinner. So instead of just having dinner on my own, I just call someone like... What are you doing? Okay. So you're having dinner with me. I do that 3,4 times a week." Lucas - the stories and connections you shared are really beautiful, and I hope all your friends get to hear them, and that this becomes another shared nostalgic memory. And to everyone else - thanks for listening. I big heart and appreciate each of you. Your support and continued listening means the world.

Janelle and I have known each other since we were 12, but we actually first met over the internet! Which was a completely different world in the mid-90s. That makes her the guest I've known, by far, the longest. What was it like to form a friendship "online", and what was the magic that made it stick? This episode is a little longer than usual because Janelle is a self-described talkative person, and we ramble and veer off-topic a bit, because we're just so excited to reminisce about about all the nerdy things we loved. Anime. Video games. Star Wars. All super cool things, now. Just goes to show we weren't uncool then, we were just ahead of our time. It was so refreshing and FUN to talk about things I used to love so much, but haven't thought about for decades. Get ready to learn things about me (and my past!) that you'll never hear about anywhere else. Highlights: "I just was super shy, couldn't really talk to people... but then the internet felt like a place of safety." "It's so powerful to go somewhere and just be able to be yourself completely." "And so when I went out to visit them for the first time, it was like joining... I can't even express it. It was like joining my tribe that I already had known for years." "Most people want to be friends with people and most people want to be liked and to have connections. And I think a lot of people will be afraid to reach out and make deeper connections with people they already know." It's amazing how much niche and obscure interests create such long-lasting bonds, and that they can even signify traits that we value in friends today. The internet is magic. Thank you for giving me some of my first friendships. Do you have any internet friends you made back in the day? Or anyone who you'd think would enjoy this episode, please send it to them. That would be super awesome, and I would appreciate it so much.  Thank you. *hugs*

Melissa Chen is a contributing editor for The Spectator, she serves on boards for non-profits, has been on Joe Rogan, and typically speaks on politics, global events, and human rights - and I decided to ask her about friendship! She has a lot of strong opinions, but is really good at being friends with people who have completely different views - a pretty rare and valuable skill to have today. She grew up in Singapore and currently lives in LA, which is where I sit down to speak with her. Our conversation is wide-ranging, but one of the most important reminders is to stay open to ideas (and people!) that are different from what we're used to. Focus on finding the things that we DO have in common. I believe that if you really went deep enough, you can find things in common with pretty much anyone in the world, no matter how different they may seem at the start. And to look for that, instead of looking for what divides us, is its own kind of special magic.  Keep on searching! And thank you for being you. Episode nuggets: "Time is not the resource here. I think it's attention... To be able to sit down one-on-one with a person, to fully immerse and just not be anywhere else." "Be able to engage with somebody and not immediately take offense at something that comes up." "It helps to have intellectual humility. One of the problems today is that people just feel like they have the answers. And they're so quick to cast the other side as evil.... I don't have all the answers. Maybe you are right." "How you use social media really matters. I can be snarky sometimes when it calls for that, and I enjoy it. But that's also my natural humor, I'm not going to tailor that just because I don't want to draw the hate."

Hey everyone! For episode 3, I sat down with my friend Oshan Anand, in front of a tea table in his beautiful, ceremonial home. He has been a practicing tea master since 2005, and has spent 7.5 years in a federal prison. He is a zen-like individual who actually read 350 books during that time, can free-quote copious amounts of Dostoyevsky, and has provided tea lounges for hundreds of events.  I really didn't know much about the federal prison system, so this episode was really special to record and learn about. For instance, around 3 percent of the US population has served time in prison, which is a whole lot of people, and a whole lot of years. And within that world, it was so interesting to hear about how to build trust when you really need to, what happens to old friendships on the outside, and the power of the ritual of tea on human connection. Oshan - thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It is always a pleasure to sit with you at your tea table. And I hope you, the listeners enjoyed your time with us as well. If you rate and subscribe to this podcast on Spotify or Apple (it's super fast on Spotify). I will give you a cookie. Because that's what friends do.

Zach Bell has been involved with the Burning Man, Esalen, and Habitas communities for years. He currently runs MyPlace.co, a site where you can share your home with friends. This episode is a little bit different - we talk less about the interpersonal side of friendship, and more about how he curates communities, plays with strangers, and befriends some of the most interesting and creative people in the world. Later, I asked him if there’s any book that he’s found that influenced his thoughts on friendship. He said ‘Trickster Makes This World” by Lewis Hyde. It's about the trickster archetype and myth, and how play and disruption shape the world - and why instigators are important. If you find this interesting or valuable, please consider sending it to a friend who may like it too (and rate on Apple or Spotify)! Thank you for listening. I like you a lot.

For the first episode of Becoming Friends, I talk to one of my closest friends, the fantastic Gillian Morris. Gillian was not only the CEO of the travel app Hitlist, she's had past lives as a journalist in the middle east, an opera singer in Europe, and a parakeet breeder in her teens. She ranks very high on my list of friends who were most likely to have been actual spies.  The two of us met in 2017 when we were both oddly enough, handbag models for a friend's fashion startup. I sat down with her in New York City to talk about boldly making new friends, forming community houses, how to worry less about rejection, and sending daily postcards. *** This podcast is juuust getting started, so please subscribe, rate and review! I know that's a lot to ask, but each one makes a huge difference, especially at this stage. If you have any feedback or thoughts on friendship, you can reach me at [email protected]. Thanks to Allie Wollner for help with editing, and to all the friends who helped lift this off, and beta listened or beta interviewed, thank you so, so much. Alex, Samantha, Brendan, Dilan, Catherine, Beckie, Jeremy - It takes a village of friends. Lastly - thanks to each and every one of you for listening. There's a lot to choose from out there, and I'm glad you dove into this little pocket on friendship. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

A podcast about friendship! I'll be interviewing people about what they're like as a friend, how they make new ones, keep up with old ones, and any unique perspectives they might have. I’m so excited to share the stories, the laughter, and the lessons that I’ve learned with all of you. Tune in every week for a new episode, available wherever you get your podcasts.  I can't wait to become your friend.