You may feel dissatisfaction or discomfort in some realm of life that you want to shift. But where to start and how to succeed? In this first episode in a series on intentional living, Dr. Regan identifies ways to plan the foundation of change so that you experience growth without becoming overwhelmed.
As referenced in the current episode:
Autism and Regulation podcast episode #1
Dr. Regan's online presentations with Zur Institute March, 2023:
Is my Client on the Spectrum? Dispelling Myths About Autism Diagnoses
Autism Assessment: The Seven Diagnostic Criteria Brought to Life
Dr. Regan's Resources
Course for Clinicians: ASD Differential Diagnoses and Associated Characteristics
Book: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd ed
Book: Understanding Autistic Behaviors
Autism in the Adult website homepage
Website Resources for Clinicians
Read the transcript:
1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,590 Hello and welcome to the podcast,
2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,190 autism in the adult.
3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,540 I am your host,
4 00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,160 Dr Theresa Regan.
5 00:00:13,170 --> 00:00:15,630 I am a neuropsychologist,
6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:25,930 the mom of a teen on the spectrum and I'm a certified autism specialist. For more information about my offerings and background,
7 00:00:25,940 --> 00:00:31,020 please see my website at adultandgeriatricautism.com.
8 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,830 You can see the link below in the show notes.
9 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:33,920 Today,
10 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:41,420 we are starting a new series that I am calling autism and intentional living.
11 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:54,410 So living with intention rather than feeling that were just plodding along day to day or that there's a tidal wave of things happening and we are along for the ride.
12 00:00:55,700 --> 00:01:03,000 I think every human has seasons of life where we just try to recenter... regroup,
13 00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:16,430 figure out if we're really living with intention and meaning. We're going to focus on the intersection of that kind of season with autistic neurology.
14 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:35,810 Today we're going to have just a foundational and introductory session on this topic and we're going to start with the question of why would someone on the spectrum really need to consider living with intention.
15 00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:48,350 A lot of living in this with this mindset has to do with setting goals and thinking about shifts in your life if you want to change direction,
16 00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:51,460 if you want to grow in any particular area.
17 00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:53,570 And some might feel like,
18 00:01:53,570 --> 00:01:54,230 well,
19 00:01:55,320 --> 00:02:08,380 a really nonjudgmental approach is just to support people where they are at and I completely agree... if the person is doing well,
20 00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:15,000 if they're happy and healthy and they don't have goals to shift gears or adjust.
21 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,970 That is completely fine.
22 00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:26,160 But many of us really do best when we have some type of momentum toward a goal,
23 00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:31,680 a momentum toward growing in a particular area...
24 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:40,360 but sometimes it's hard to figure out ...what should these goals be and how do I make a goal that's going to stick?
25 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:44,500 How do I make a goal that is challenging and I can grow,
26 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,190 but it's not overwhelming...
27 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,810 I'm not going to be in this kind of never ending,
28 00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:57,030 trying to crawl out of this huge weight on my shoulders that I've taken on with this goal.
29 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:14,710 So this series is for people who would like to be mindful of ways in which they might like to stretch themselves or go out of their comfort zone and would like to have a topic about how to do that,
30 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:16,000 how to think through it,
31 00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:20,400 and some of the plans and supports that might help along the way.
32 00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:36,380 Let's talk about a first step to thinking with this intentionality and to be to become more aware of ways in which you might like to grow.
33 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,400 Um,
34 00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:50,430 one of the best things I think about a correct diagnosis of autism is the increased self awareness that ... should come from this diagnosis.
35 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:50,620 So,
36 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:53,900 if you've ever had that aha moment,
37 00:03:53,910 --> 00:03:55,710 that's what I'm talking about,
38 00:03:55,710 --> 00:04:00,460 because things fall into place and you say,
39 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,780 oh my goodness,
40 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:05,250 this makes more sense.
41 00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,350 This has come together.
42 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:24,430 It really has made a lot of things feel unified and meaningful and like I have a way to understand and express what makes me tick. And this self awareness,
43 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:43,920 this increase in self awareness, is often the first step to thinking about... in what ways do I want to just stay centered where I am and in what areas of my life might I like to shift or grow or again kind of go out of that comfort zone.
44 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:47,920 So when you have the self awareness,
45 00:04:47,930 --> 00:05:01,510 that is often the first step toward making some goals and being mindful of where you're at and where you'd like to be after self awareness.
46 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:08,500 One thing that can be helpful in goal setting is to think in categories of your life,
47 00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:13,130 you may already know what your goal is or what you'd like to shift,
48 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,650 but there may be people who are saying,
49 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:21,800 I guess I should probably have a goal to be a better person or to...
51 00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:23,930 you know,
52 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:26,320 become better in some way,
53 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:26,820 but I don't...
54 00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:30,110 I just really don't know where to start.
55 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,620 It could be everything.
56 00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,430 Maybe it could be nothing.
57 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,040 So here,
58 00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:36,700 here's a way to start.
59 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:39,050 We're going to think about categories.
60 00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:48,960 One thing that some people that I work with who are on the autism spectrum,
62 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,340 one thing they think about as a category in their life,
63 00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:57,150 could be their special interest. Their...
64 00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:58,790 the things they love.
65 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,400 Sometimes people will take that as a category and they will,
66 00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:04,720 will say,
68 00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:07,730 how...
69 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:11,750 what kind of place does this have in my life right now,
70 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:15,730 and am I satisfied with that?
71 00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:21,310 Or do I have this special interest,
72 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:29,320 but I'd like to grow in a way that makes it more functional or meaningful for a broader audience.
73 00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:30,140 So,
74 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,660 one way to think about it is,
75 00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:33,850 oh,
76 00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:35,880 I love, for example,
77 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:41,100 if the special interest is creative writing and I have these characters,
78 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:47,030 I have these narratives and plots in my head,
79 00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:51,450 and I think about what this character would say to that character,
80 00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:55,390 or I love history,
81 00:06:55,400 --> 00:07:01,860 and I combine these characters with historical timelines or science fiction themes.
82 00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:02,930 You know,
83 00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:05,070 this person may say,
84 00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:08,200 I have loved this for a long time,
85 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:19,880 and I've gotten to the point where I've developed characters and themes perhaps a way to stretch myself in this area of strength is to say,
86 00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:29,870 do I want to have a goal to publish something perhaps to share it with other people who might enjoy it,
87 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:37,390 perhaps to make some additional income from my writing,
88 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,140 perhaps to grow as a writer.
89 00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:40,770 You know,
90 00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:44,780 this person may have this love of creative writing,
91 00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:47,270 but they may not have a degree in writing.
92 00:07:47,270 --> 00:07:49,780 They may not have taken classes.
93 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,620 So,
94 00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:56,320 one category to think about is your interest.
95 00:07:56,330 --> 00:08:01,150 And in what ways might you want to grow in that area,
96 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,140 you may take a course,
97 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,440 You may create a product,
98 00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,400 you may create a website.
99 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:10,450 Perhaps you want to publish fan fiction,
100 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:13,820 Perhaps you want to publish an e book.
101 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:14,490 Um,
102 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:18,140 the publishing options are really broad right now.
103 00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:24,250 Another individual on the spectrum may love athletic pursuits.
104 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:30,140 Perhaps they run and run and they just love that movement.
105 00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:31,680 They love to be outside.
106 00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,570 It's one of their special interests.
107 00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:37,160 They read a lot of running magazines,
108 00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:40,780 they read about nutrition for the runner and stretching.
109 00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:46,950 And this has been really a love that they've had for several years.
110 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:55,720 This person may wish to think about whether they would like to broaden what they're doing with running.
111 00:08:55,730 --> 00:09:06,770 So their goal or their intention for growth might be that they'd like to train for a specific race or marathon.
112 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,730 Another person may say,
113 00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:10,230 oh,
114 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:10,860 you know,
115 00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:15,070 I don't know if I want to do that or maybe I've already done it,
116 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:23,930 but they may say I would like to meet some new people to connect with the community and to give back uh,
117 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,210 and bless other people.
118 00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:38,790 So I think I'm going to see if I could coach some track or cross country in the community and teach other people what I love and what I'm good at.
119 00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:49,610 So you can see that one category for growth and intention and momentum can be a special interest and something that you love,
120 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,170 you've researched,
121 00:09:51,170 --> 00:10:02,450 you've done it and you'd like to expand that.
Another category I'd like you to consider is health and wellness.
122 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:11,920 There are so many different areas... that this part of life can feel overwhelming. For the autistic though.
123 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,300 If you want to think about health and wellness,
124 00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:22,690 you might think about areas that are particularly easy or particularly difficult for you.
125 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:38,610 One person on the spectrum may have a love of nutrition and cooking and again that can be combined with the last category where they're gonna start to teach other people about that.
126 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:39,940 However,
127 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:46,900 another person on the spectrum may really find it difficult to expand
128 00:10:46,910 --> 00:10:49,500 the range of what they eat.
129 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,980 They might say to themselves.
132 00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:59,130 I would like to expand my palate.
133 00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:04,750 This is not to say that they must eat every food.
134 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:05,200 No,
135 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,260 it's just saying if I go out of my comfort zone,
136 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:10,590 how could I do that?
137 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,650 Or maybe the individual says,
138 00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:13,180 you know what,
139 00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:21,170 I don't think I'm going to expand my palate but I do want to focus on... within the foods I can eat comfortably...
140 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:25,020 How could I get better nutrition.
141 00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:52,120 So this person might say I'm going to try adding a protein powder to my smoothie that I have every day or I'm going to try some supplements because I really can do pretty well with swallowing pills or capsules, and I want to make sure I'm getting all the vitamins that I need... or all the minerals.
142 00:11:52,800 --> 00:12:03,600 Another person in the area of health and wellness may realize that they spend a lot of their time doing seated work.
143 00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:11,150 Maybe they love to do video games or they have a youtube channel that they keep up and they really enjoy that.
144 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:18,890 Perhaps the part of health and wellness that they choose to move forward with might be movement.
145 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:19,790 You know,
146 00:12:19,790 --> 00:12:22,700 a lot of times the nervous system,
148 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:43,450 particularly for those on the spectrum might need close attention to... how much movement and pressure does their nervous system need. Pressure,
149 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:46,740 meaning pressure in the muscles,
150 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:50,930 like a weighted blanket OR pressure in the joints.
151 00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:52,530 Like lifting weights,
152 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:53,640 yoga.
153 00:12:54,020 --> 00:13:02,670 A lot of times these sensory inputs are regulating and calming for well always for any human,
154 00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:08,380 but the person on the spectrum may really need that need that intentionality,
155 00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:16,090 that purposefulness where they really increase that during their daily routine.
156 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:23,250 This person may start with saying I really need more movement.
157 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:30,610 Therefore I'm going to walk the dog in the morning or I'm going to get a rocking chair and rock.
158 00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:35,830 Uh it's not exercise but it gives the nervous system movement input.
159 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:42,130 And that can be for some people regulating where they feel more centered if they get to rock,
160 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,540 another person may feel like,
161 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:47,440 gosh I need more pressure input.
162 00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:52,680 Um I'm going to get a hammock so I can lay in the hammock,
163 00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:54,860 I'm going to get a weighted blanket.
164 00:13:54,870 --> 00:14:02,510 There's lots of ways to think about health and wellness as a category.
165 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:07,130 Speaking of sensory regulation techniques,
166 00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:10,180 let's talk about regulation as a category,
167 00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:17,930 you can see past series that talk through a lot of detail about regulation.
168 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:24,990 Every individual on the spectrum will find some challenges in the area of regulation.
169 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:32,420 And here let's talk about regulation of emotions and of the internal motor,
170 00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:37,670 how activated someone feels or how sluggish.
171 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:46,060 So for the autistic individual they may have difficulty staying centered,
172 00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:47,350 calm,
173 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:48,960 attentive,
174 00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:55,330 and that they find that just right spot where they don't feel anxious,
175 00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:56,450 angry,
176 00:14:56,450 --> 00:14:58,600 overwhelmed or frozen,
177 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:12,650 where they're aware and they're centered. There are strategies for regulation and I will put the link to that regulation series in the show notes.
178 00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:17,580 Someone may think of this category of regulation and say,
179 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,020 you know,
180 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:32,710 I would like to stay more even, I would like to feel more steady in my own person ...that I can feel resilient toward the day.
181 00:15:32,710 --> 00:15:44,070 And so my area for growth that I choose is to live with some intention about how to regulate myself
182 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,330 the best that I can across time every day.
183 00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:55,490 Another great area for consideration would be relationships and communication.
184 00:15:57,870 --> 00:16:00,880 Not everyone needs a goal in this area,
185 00:16:00,890 --> 00:16:07,400 but the self awareness of the categories can help us think through again with intention.
186 00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:13,180 Like is this the place I'd like to be in my relationships and if you're in that place,
187 00:16:13,190 --> 00:16:14,390 super.
188 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,610 If you would like to improve some area,
189 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:23,540 you might consider whether you want to be intentional about some goals in that area.
190 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:53,320 One individual may feel like they really have relationships that work well for them and they have this already established way of communicating this rhythm together and they just want to keep and maintain that -- another person may want to figure out how to get some extra social time and and kind of add to their relationships in a way that feels really satisfying to them.
191 00:16:53,330 --> 00:17:07,520 Like what type of person would I like to connect with and what kind of activities do I actually like to do with people... again in a way that feels really satisfying and filling to that individual.
192 00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:11,680 Another person may have a communication goal,
193 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,240 they might say,
194 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:13,630 you know,
195 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:18,650 I'm super good at presenting facts and details at work,
196 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:21,090 I like going on conference calls,
197 00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:24,040 I know what to say when it's my turn to talk,
198 00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:31,610 but I really get overwhelmed with conflict and I can shut down,
199 00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:40,640 I can freeze and at some point I might just kind of blow up and go too far trying to get my point across,
200 00:17:40,650 --> 00:18:02,220 I might want there to be justice in this situation and it's really difficult for me to know how to have effective communication without shutting down or blowing up in a case where there's a lot at stake ... where there's high emotion. That might be your area of growth this season,
201 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,490 An additional category,
202 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,050 may be everyday life tasks.
203 00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:11,840 We all have these kind of mundane,
204 00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,770 repetitive,
205 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:20,000 really uninspiring things that have to get done in our everyday life.
206 00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:25,380 We have to pay bills... we need to take the car to get an oil change.
207 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:31,060 We're really due to go to the dentist,
208 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:31,480 you know,
209 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,970 appointments and tasks and chores... these kinds of things.
210 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:46,780 This may be an area where someone wants to push themselves this season and kind of get in a better rhythm. For one person.
211 00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:51,200 It may be tackling how to really clean their environment.
212 00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:55,160 ... more frequently or ...or less frequently.
213 00:18:55,170 --> 00:19:05,870 How to declutter. For people on the spectrum who have great collections and love different objects perhaps related to their interest,
214 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:18,070 they may feel they've gotten to the point where there's just not enough space... or they've spent too much money and they want to figure out how to balance out how many collections they have.
215 00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:24,660 Another person may feel like they want to figure out a better rhythm for budgeting.
216 00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:29,730 It's really tough to balance.
217 00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:31,420 you know...
218 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,400 I've got to pay these bills first.
219 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:46,240 But then this unexpected bill came and also I have these things related to my interests that I would really really love to invest my money in as well.
220 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:51,140 There's also this executive function piece to money management of,
221 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,710 have I set up all these automatic accounts?
222 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,130 Have I forgotten to pay something.
223 00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:03,980 Have I not realized that my check didn't land in my account properly.
224 00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:14,150 So organization, planning, details and being able to wait to perhaps get something that you really love.
225 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:22,650 Those things might be this category for you of tackling daily tasks a little differently.
226 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:29,060 And someone else may want to work on how to get out there in the community,
227 00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:30,830 navigate their community,
228 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,890 Perhaps they have a license to drive,
229 00:20:33,890 --> 00:20:34,630 they have a car,
230 00:20:34,630 --> 00:20:37,310 but it is not their favorite thing to do.
231 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,710 Perhaps strategies related to...
233 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:52,340 how do I maintain getting out of the house and connecting with people when driving is really kind of draining for me.
234 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:58,370 A final category you might want to think about is the family culture.
235 00:20:58,370 --> 00:21:01,980 So if you live in a household with other people,
236 00:21:01,990 --> 00:21:06,990 you might want to think about how the culture works.
237 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,180 This is part of self awareness and intentionality.
238 00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:20,430 Because what happens in any household is that we get into this just rhythm of what needs to be done.
239 00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:21,010 Who said
240 00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:21,430 what?
241 00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:21,840 Who did
242 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,360 what,
243 00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:25,990 Who's irritating which person?
244 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:30,720 Um and the culture can very easily drift into,
245 00:21:30,730 --> 00:21:34,550 hey don't do that or why didn't you do this?
246 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:44,960 A lot of telling people how they're falling short ...having them know what our expectation is that they behave differently,
247 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:51,760 that they do different tasks... and that can be a very draining kind of culture when we drift into that.
248 00:21:52,000 --> 00:22:00,140 So a different culture might be again focusing on this intentionality and awareness...
249 00:22:00,150 --> 00:22:08,350 To introduce the culture where our thought process is "this is what I need today."
251 00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:17,450 Maybe you're working on regulation and you need to take certain things into account to get better centered or more centered,
252 00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:26,340 but you have this culture emerging at home where you realize that other people may have a different need.
253 00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:29,960 So we say "this is what I need today,
254 00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:31,850 what is it that you need?"
255 00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,600 And then we say,
256 00:22:34,610 --> 00:22:37,110 how can we both get our needs met?
257 00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:41,530 And there are times when yeah,
258 00:22:41,540 --> 00:22:43,910 everybody can't get all their needs met.
259 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:57,240 But this culture of trying to protect other people's needs and bring them out into the open and negotiate about those is really nice,
260 00:22:57,250 --> 00:22:58,360 it's really fun,
261 00:22:58,380 --> 00:22:59,270 freeing,
262 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,580 It changes us from adversaries to partners.
263 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:28,360 So if a dad is super sound sensitive and just had a rough day on a zoom call with his boss and he comes in and his five year old daughter is in her ballerina costume and she's singing and twirling and jumping and she jumps into his arms.
264 00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:29,890 You know,
265 00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:33,030 he may have this strong reaction like,
266 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,990 oh my gosh,
267 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,370 this house is a mess,
268 00:23:36,370 --> 00:23:41,430 this child is spinning all around and it's so loud,
269 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:42,590 so loud,
270 00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:44,210 I'm so sound sensitive,
271 00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,080 I need my own space.
272 00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:48,260 I mean my own quiet.
273 00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:57,350 Um and he could very easily react to this and say stop,
274 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,770 go to your room.
275 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:05,740 Um but a shift in culture may look like look at you,
276 00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:07,450 you are all dressed up.
277 00:24:07,460 --> 00:24:08,950 Does that feel good?
278 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,920 It looks like you'd really love to spin and sing today.
279 00:24:13,930 --> 00:24:16,390 I really need quiet.
280 00:24:16,390 --> 00:24:17,680 My ears are hurting.
281 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,940 They're kind of sensitive today.
282 00:24:20,980 --> 00:24:27,320 If you're wanting to sing and dance and I need quiet and rest,
283 00:24:27,330 --> 00:24:29,740 how could we both get our needs met?
284 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,140 And then dad could say,
285 00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:33,660 hey,
286 00:24:33,660 --> 00:24:53,030 I wonder if you could sing and dance in the basement, and I could have some rest and quiet time in the backyard ...and then we could meet back here and you can tell me more about your dancing that would represent a shift in culture.
287 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:59,780 How does this household handle the needs of others when they conflict?
288 00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:00,990 Um,
289 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:08,800 so that maybe this area of growth that you might want to focus on for a season today,
290 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:20,090 we've talked about the way that an autism diagnosis creates some freedom and openness by increasing self awareness.
291 00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:21,710 This is how I work.
292 00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:23,500 This is what makes me tick.
293 00:25:23,510 --> 00:25:36,090 This is what I need and that in itself is an expanding out of the smaller place that you might have felt you existed in before.
294 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:39,060 So with this expansion of self awareness,
295 00:25:39,070 --> 00:26:06,450 we can either kind of go back to life as usual or we can ride the tidal wave of all our daily activities and things that we're used to doing or we can pause and kind of restock and think about if I want to live intentionally and perhaps I want to grow,
296 00:26:06,460 --> 00:26:08,880 I want to go out of my comfort zone,
297 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:13,570 I want to have goals and momentum toward those goals,
298 00:26:13,570 --> 00:26:15,780 but I don't want to be overwhelmed.
299 00:26:16,870 --> 00:26:17,320 You know,
300 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,230 this is a way to approach that.
301 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:25,220 If you would like to take some journey with me during the series,
302 00:26:25,230 --> 00:26:42,050 take some time this month to say which of these categories might fit where I'm at and where I'd like to have some growth now I do not want you to make goals in every category.
303 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:42,890 No,
304 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:51,220 this is about being intentional without um kind of running ourselves into the ground.
305 00:26:51,230 --> 00:27:02,010 We don't want to make so many goals that we just um can't keep up the momentum because we're weighted down.
306 00:27:02,020 --> 00:27:07,860 So just pick a category and pick one little goal,
307 00:27:07,870 --> 00:27:46,540 one area of growth within that category to start and then in the future you can redo other categories but be mindful think about intention and what you would like to think through as an area of growth and then join me back next time because what we're going to talk about in the second session of the series is how to take an area within a category and think about it in more specific ways in order to make a goal.
308 00:27:46,550 --> 00:27:52,190 Many clients that I have come in and say I'd like to grow in this area,
309 00:27:52,190 --> 00:28:04,490 but I have no idea how what kind of goal I can have success with or what kind of goal is reasonable for me at this time of my life,
310 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:07,310 I feel lost about how to make a goal,
311 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:08,490 how to choose a goal,
312 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,120 how to choose an area of....
313 00:28:10,490 --> 00:28:31,410 So next episode will be about that topic and then in the future will have additional episodes of this series that takes some of these categories and break them down even more with some strategies that might help you create more growth and wellness in any of these categories of life.
314 00:28:32,270 --> 00:28:32,860 So,
315 00:28:32,860 --> 00:28:34,590 food for thought for this month,
316 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:44,950 I'm so glad you joined me and I hope that you come back again with some thoughts about where you would like to have more intention in your living.
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