303 Ch. 16 - Varney the Vampire, or, The Feast of Blood (1845)

“Do you know anything of yonder fire?” “Yes: I do know it is a fire.” Varney the Vampire is a genuine penny dreadful, read aloud one chapter per week just like the original Victorian audience would do for the authentic 1840s coffeehouse experience. To instantly unlock over a hundred more chapters (literally), check out our Patreon.

Our most blasphemous episode yet! Learn all about the Christmas mistletoe decorating tradition that is definitely Victorian, probably Georgian, and almost certainly not medieval.

An alternative to the more practical kerosene hurricane lamps—and more properly called parlour lamps or chamber lamps—it’ll take more than a stiff breeze to knock these 19th century marvels over. But what are they, really? And where did they come from? Who sent them? What do they want? Plus, Dee’s true feelings on Fenton.

Our friends Abracadaniel and Jon (from our Magic: the Gathering episode!) rejoin us for a thrilling chapter which the author claims will contain THE DESTRUCTION OF SIR FRANCIS VARNEY'S HOUSE BY FIRE. —THE ARRIVAL OF THE MILITARY, AND A SECOND MOB. Varney the Vampire is a genuine penny dreadful, read aloud one chapter per week just like the original Victorian audience would do for the authentic 1840s coffeehouse experience. To instantly unlock over a hundred more chapters (literally), check out our Patreon.

The tail twitches and the eyes slide side-to-side as time slips by… Join us for a dip into the wild and wonderful world of mid-century kitsch with Kit-Cat Clocks!

Our friend Tarra (who is definitely not a vampire) returns to tackle the fifty-second chapter of Varney the Vampire, wherein the chapter title promises The Interview Between the Mob and Sir Francis Varney, the Mysterious Disappearance, and the Wine Cellars. Varney the Vampire is a genuine penny dreadful, read aloud one chapter per week just like the original Victorian audience would do for the authentic 1840s coffeehouse experience. To instantly unlock over a hundred more chapters (literally), check out our Patreon.

How does advice to incoming university students fare after over a hundred years? (Content Warning for irreverent discussion of historical hazing deaths.)

“Furthermore, the circus strongman must be destroyed.” - Cato the Elder, probably.

The attack upon the vampyre's house, the story of the attack, the forcing of the doors, and the struggle! Varney the Vampire is a genuine penny dreadful, read aloud one chapter per week just like the original Victorian audience would do for the authentic 1840s coffeehouse experience. To instantly unlock over a hundred more chapters (literally), check out our Patreon.

Maximize your car-per-car with our macro episode on Micro Machines!