Episode 35 - Our Boyfriend, Our Abuser, Episode 2: Coercive Control: When the Mask Slips | 1-800 CHATLINE
On Episode 35 of 1-800 CHATLINE… we're talking about the moment the mask starts to slip, the behaviours we couldn't explain at the time, and how we slowly lost parts of ourselves in relationships we wanted to work.Welcome back to Our Boyfriend, Our Abuser, a special series exploring domestic violence, emotional abuse, coercive control and the relationship red flags we wish we'd recognised sooner. Amy Dickinson is joined by Taylor Davies, who dated the same man at a different time. After discovering their shared experiences, they're unpacking what happened, the patterns they now recognise, and why putting language to abuse matters.Because sometimes, what feels like isolated incidents is actually part of a much bigger pattern.COERCIVE CONTROL: WHEN THE MASK SLIPSAmy and Taylor discuss how coercive control gradually changed their behaviour, chipped away at their confidence and left them walking on eggshells.From arguments that seemed to come out of nowhere to silent treatment, isolation and the fear of triggering another fight, they explore how control can develop so gradually that you don't recognise it until you look back.🎙️ IN THIS EPISODE:• The first signs that his behaviour was changing• What coercive control is and how it differs from normal disagreements• Creating fights before spending time together and a lack of empathy• Silent treatment as a form of emotional abuse• Walking on eggshells and anticipating his reactions• Changing what we wore, who we saw and how we socialised to avoid conflict• How isolation from friends and family develops• Why we didn't recognise coercive control while experiencing it• Being in love, turning a blind eye and wanting the relationship to work• How abuse erodes confidence and makes leaving harder• The sunk cost fallacy, embarrassment and fear of losing a relationship we've invested in💭 WHY THE BIGGER PATTERN MATTERSCoercive control isn't always one dramatic incident. It can involve repeated behaviours that restrict someone's freedom, independence and sense of self.When you're anticipating someone's reaction, avoiding decisions out of fear or changing your behaviour to keep the peace, it's worth looking at the bigger picture.We didn't have the language for what we were experiencing. Looking back, we can see how separate incidents connected to form a pattern.🖤 IF YOU'RE HERE FOR:• Coercive control and signs of an abusive relationship• Domestic violence awareness and survivor stories• Emotional abuse, silent treatment and manipulation• Relationship red flags and unhealthy dynamics• Why leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult• How control, isolation and fear affect behaviour• Honest conversations about healing and recovery…this episode is for you.A NOTE ON SUPPORTIf anything discussed in this episode resonates with you, you don't have to navigate it alone.🇦🇺 AUSTRALIA - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT📞 1800RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732 for free, confidential, 24/7 support. Online chat: https://www.1800respect.org.au⚖️ Women's Legal Service Queensland: Free legal assistance for women, including domestic violence and family law. Call 1800 957 957 (Monday–Friday, 9 am–3 pm) or visit https://wlsq.org.au🚨 If you are in immediate danger, call 000.You don't have to be certain that what you're experiencing is abuse to reach out for support.🎧 1-800 CHATLINE - where we fuel your intrusive thoughts.Follow 1-800 CHATLINE on Spotify so you don't miss the next episode of Our Boyfriend, Our Abuser. Follow Amy @amzdicko and Taylor @taydaves on Instagram.