How To Rewrite Your Story, Make Peace with the Past, and Break Old Patterns | Melissa Febos

Practical ways to upgrade your narrative. Melissa Febos is the national bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood, Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative, and a new memoir, The Dry Season. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts and others. Her work has appeared in The Paris Review, The New Yorker, The Best American Essays and others. She is a professor at the University of Iowa. In this episode we talk about: How to "audit" your personal narrative with simple questions Melissa's five-step method for rewriting unhelpful stories Why community, and vulnerability are required for real change; in other words, why it's harder to do this work alone Melissa's own experiences running this playbook with regard to her relationships and her addictions. Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

How psychology and spirituality can work together. Amita Schmidt is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Hawaii. She has taught Vipassana meditation for over thirty years, and was the Resident Teacher at Insight Meditation Society for six years. She is the author of the book Dipa Ma: The Life and Legacy of a Buddhist Master. Amita currently teaches and practices non-dual meditation and is a certified IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist. In this episode we talk about: How psychology and spirituality can work together The basics of Internal Family Systems (or IFS) Amita's personal path through trauma, depression, and a pivotal insight that changed everything Why states like depression aren't as solid as they feel How to work with the inner critic Simple ways to access the sanest, wisest version of yourself The shift from psychological healing to spiritual insight The value of acceptance and surrender Simple pointers for sensing "aware presence" beneath all the mental noise Related Episodes: How (and Why) to Hug Your Inner Dragons | Richard Schwartz How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz Additional resources: Amita on InsightTimer Amita on DharmaSeed Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.

The legendary psychotherapist unpacks the concept of "hostile dependency" and explains why cutting people off doesn't always work. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is a leading voice on modern relationships, known for her widely viewed TED Talks, bestselling books and the hit podcast. She runs a New York–based therapy practice and advises global organizations and platforms on the complexities of contemporary relationships. Follow Esther Perel's podcast Where Should We Begin? on YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and subscribe to Entre Nous with Esther Perel on Substack for exclusive bonus content. In this episode we talk about: What Esther Perel really means by eros How modern life quietly depletes our sense of feeling alive Why aliveness can coexist with grief, pain, and difficulty  The danger of numbness  Introverts, extroverts, and the many non-social ways we experience vitality Vital sources of connection and meaning Co-regulation, touch, presence, and why words alone aren't enough "Hostile dependency" and the paradoxes of long-term relationships Why loneliness has become normalized, and why it shouldn't be How to rebuild community through small, practical acts Rituals as a way to mark time, create meaning, and feel grounded The tension between individualism, belonging, and responsibility to others Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris   Thanks to our sponsors: HomeServe: Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to homeserve.com to find a plan that's right for you. LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier. NOCD: Head over to nocd.com and book a free 15‑minute call with their team, to learn more and start getting help with OCD. OneSkin:  Get up to 30% off your first three subscription orders when you use the code "happier" at OneSkin.co/happier. 

Today we're gonna talk about some Buddhist hacks for two deeply related and all too common ailments: anxiety and overthinking. Most of us have struggled with one or both of these, and one of the people who has helped Dan the most is Joseph Goldstein. Regular listeners to this podcast will be familiar with Joseph and his very direct, very down-to-earth style, but if you don't know – let us introduce you. He's one of the foremost Buddhist teachers in the west, he's been Dan's teacher for about 15 years, and Dan's recently convinced him to write a book together, using a collection of these little phrases that he's cooked up over the years. Dan's been keeping a list of around a hundred or so tiny, useful phrases – bite-sized wisdom for meditation practice and for daily life. The book won't be out for a few years, but we're conducting a series of interviews with him, each one covering a few phrases, and we'll be releasing those here on the podcast.  The first installment of these interviews about Joseph's phrases just came out on Thursday, Jan. 1, and you don't have to listen to that episode for this episode to make sense, but they are useful together.  Today, we'll be covering:  The practice assessment tapes Whatever works Cowboy Dharma Dead end Is this useful And a quartet about walking meditation: sensations moving through space, walking through space, walking in a dream, walking through the mind Don't worry if those don't make sense right now – stick with us and you'll get a thorough explanation of where those phrases all come from and how they can help.    Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.  To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

You may have noticed that your mind is out of control. It's filled with racing thoughts, ancient neuroses and grudges, revenge fantasies… So why are we like this and what can be done about it? Today, we're talking to one of our favorite people and also one of the most prominent meditation teachers in the West, Joseph Goldstein, about how "ridiculous" our minds are – that's a word he uses a lot to describe the mind – and some really compelling ways to train the mind. Spoiler: having a sense of humor is crucial here. Just by way of context: this is the first in a series of episodes with Joseph, focusing on the phrases he uses while he's teaching Buddhism and meditation. Dan and Joseph are collaborating on a book that will be a compilation of these phrases and how to use them. This book won't be out for several years, but as Dan conducts a series of interviews with Joseph, we'll release them here on the podcast. There's another part coming out this Sunday, January 4th.  Just to give you a little taste, here are the phrases we'll be covering in today's episode:   Just begin again Sit and know you're sitting Relaxed, not casual  More or less mindful  Thieves of meditation Mara, I see you. Ridiculous The mind has no pride Soundtrack  The mind is the forerunner of all things.  These might not make any sense right now, but you'll hear Joseph explain each of these, where they came from, and how to use them in your meditation practice AND in your daily life. Incredibly practical, bite-sized wisdom.    Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Thanks to our sponsor: LinkedIn:  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to linkedin.com/happier.  To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

Buddhist strategies for taming that nagging voice in your head. Ofosu Jones-Quartey, a meditation teacher, author, and musician hailing from the Washington DC area, brings over 17 years of experience in sharing mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion practices with the world. Holding a bachelor's degree from American University and certified by the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, Ofosu is a graduate of the Teleos Coaching Institute and is the male voice on the Balance meditation app, reaching over 10 million subscribers.  Ofosu leads meditation classes and retreats nationwide, having taught and led retreats at the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, The Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, Brooklyn Zen Center, Cleveland Insight, Inward Bound Mindfulness and more. As an accomplished hip hop artist under the name "Born I," Ofosu released the mindfulness-themed album "In This Moment" in 2021. Born I's most recent album, "Komorebi" (2025), has been hailed by listeners as "a missing piece in hip-hop," praised for its meditative flow and spiritual depth. The companion book, "Lyrical Dharma: Hip-Hop as Mindfulness" (Parallax Press), arrives with a foreword by Pulitzer Prize winner Alice Walker, further cementing Born I as a unique voice at the intersection of art and contemplative practice. Beyond music, Ofosu is an author, releasing his self-published children's book "You Are Enough" in 2020 and "Love Your Amazing Self" via Storey Publishing in 2022. He lives in Rockville, Maryland, with his wife and four children. In this episode we talk about: The relationship between self-compassion and a successful meditation practice All the reasons people resist self-compassion, and his rebuttals Whether self-compassion is selfish How to do self-compassion off the cushion, including practices like journaling, written reminders, establishing accountability partners, and simple questions you can drop into your mind when all else fails How to do self-compassion on the cushion, including practices like body scans, metta, and a check-in practice you can use at the very start of your sits And how to teach self-compassion to children   This episode was first aired in April 2024. Related Episodes: Think You Suck at Meditation? This Conversation Could Help. | Ofosu Jones-Quartey   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

Radical advice on rethinking success, individualism, and the American dream.   Mia Birdsong is a pathfinder, culture change visionary, and futurist. She is the founding Executive Director of Next River, a think tank and culture change lab for interconnected freedom. In her book How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community, Mia maps swaths of community life, and points us toward the promise of our collective vitality.  In this episode we talk about: How to build community What it looks like in her own life Mutuality vs reciprocity  How to work with resentment and rejection  The etymological connection between friendship and freedom  The transformative power of asking for help And why she thinks the idea of bootstrapping—or going it alone—is a kind of self-hatred   This episode originally aired on May 22nd, 2024.   Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris   Thanks to our sponsor:  Huel: Get 15% off your first order at huel.com with code HAPPIER. Minimum $75 purchase.

What if the problem isn't you—but the idea that there's only one "right" way to meditate? In this episode, DJ Cashmere talks with meditation teacher Jeff Warren about how to build a mindfulness practice that actually fits your brain, nervous system, and life. Drawing from Jeff's experience with ADHD and bipolar disorder—and DJ's reflections on OCD and neurodiversity in his family—they explore why there's no such thing as a truly neurotypical mind, and why one-size-fits-all meditation advice often falls short. Rather than prescribing a single approach, Jeff emphasizes experimentation: noticing what settles you, what feels intolerable, and what helps you come back to presence. That might mean focusing on the breath, opening awareness, moving the body, journaling, or simply taking a walk. They return repeatedly to a simple litmus test for any practice: Is this helping me be here? And they frame that question through three core skills of mindfulness—clarity, concentration, and equanimity—which can be cultivated in many different ways. This episode is especially helpful if you've ever felt restless, frustrated, or "bad" at meditation—and are looking for a more flexible, compassionate way to practice. You can get more meditations from Jeff, our Teacher of the Month for DanHarris.com, by checking out our new app, 10% with Dan Harris.    Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris   Thanks to our sponsor: Airbnb: Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host.

Worry has a way of sneaking into everything—even gratitude, loving-kindness, and joy. In this episode, Dan Harris sits down with meditation teacher and psychologist Christiane Wolf to explore how to work skillfully with worry without suppressing it, indulging it, or turning meditation into yet another way to beat yourself up. Together, they unpack some of the most common pain points meditators face: Why trying to force certain feelings (gratitude, calm, compassion) often backfires Whether worry is ever actually helpful—and how to tell when it's not How to work with fear while waiting for a health diagnosis What to do when gratitude or loving-kindness practice triggers sadness or anxiety How consumerism (hello, holiday season) fuels craving and unease When mindfulness is enough—and when psychological work is needed to avoid spiritual bypassing Christiane offers practical tools for meeting worry with kindness, curiosity, and clarity—including how to "name it to tame it," how to gently redirect attention without suppression, and how to relate to anxious or critical thoughts as parts rather than as who you are. This conversation is honest, grounded, and deeply humane—especially for anyone who worries that they're "doing meditation wrong" or feels guilty for not feeling better fast enough. Recorded live during a subscriber Q&A session – join us at DanHarris.com to be part of these sessions as they happen! Related Episodes: How to Outsmart Your Pain | Christiane WolfIs Your Ambition Rooted in Trauma? | Christiane Wolf Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   Thanks to our sponsors:  Airbnb: Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host. AT&T:  Happy Holidays from AT&T. Connecting changes everything. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

How to find your voice when you need to be heard, learn when it's smart to choose silence, and communicate better with the people who matter most.   Elaine Lin Hering is a former Lecturer of Law at Harvard Law School. She works with organizations and individuals to build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She is the author of the book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully.   In this episode we talk about: How we learn silence and self-editing  How we often miscalculate the cost-benefit when it comes to speaking up or staying silent Elaine's four steps to learn how to speak up and find your voice How we can unintentionally silence others, especially those closest to us, and what to do about it    This episode originally aired on May 15th, 2024. Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel   Thanks to our sponsors:  AT&T: Happy Holidays from AT&T. Connecting changes everything.Monarch: Use code HAPPIER at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. Fabletics: Go to fabletics.com/Happier, sign up as a VIP and get 80% off everything. Airbnb: Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host. To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris