The SelfWork Podcast podcast

250 SelfWork: Where Does Willpower Come From?

0:00
24:38
Rewind 15 seconds
Fast Forward 15 seconds

This is the 250th episode of SelfWork. And frankly, I'm amazed. So, that made me wonder... where does willpower come from? Can you learn to have more willpower? What makes something worth sacrificing for? What can cause you to forego immediate gratification for something where you’ll obtain or earn or enjoy something in the future? Is it your “fault” if you struggle with willpower? If you’ve listened before to SelfWork, you can probably guess that I don’t believe that.. nor has that been my experience as a therapist. Yet I know there are many who walk around shaming themselves for not having “enough” willpower.

So, in this episode sponsored once again by Athletic Greens, we'll talk about what the most recent research says about willpower, and how it debunks some old ideas about where it comes from. And perhaps the most important message? A struggle with willpower is not a moral failing.

The listener email is from a woman who found herself within the traits of perfectly hidden depression and wanted to let me know what that had helped her see – and asked about conquering the anxiety of opening up.

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription!

The APA article on the research about willpower

The controversy about willpower research and what studies show about people with self-control.

You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts!

If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

More episodes from "The SelfWork Podcast"

  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    SelfWork YGTG: When I Am Old I Shall Wear Purple

    5:04

    Today's You Get the Gist is a short bow to my own aging process - as today is my birthday! It became clear to me last week that when someone is using such figures as Colonel Sanders to encourage you to keep on keeping on - something has shifted! lolol.. So I looked for stories of very cool people that had done just that - and I found the awe-inspiring Virginia Oliver as my next role model. Here's her story and a poem I love, written by Scottish poet Jenny Joseph when she was only 29 years of age. I've always loved it and hold it now even closer to my heart. Warning By Jenny Joseph When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick flowers in other people’s gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practise a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. Important Links: The story of Virginia Oliver And the link to Jenny's poem Warning... You can hear more about many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!     I        
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    254 SelfWork: Celebrating Our 5th Anniversary!! So Meet the Gang!

    27:16

    I truly can't express how I feel about SelfWork being alive and well and celebrating its 5th anniversary! I couldn't do it without the listeners, the commenters, those who've emailed, those who've left ratings and reviews, those who listen week after week - or those of you who drop in from time to time. All of you are important, in fact vital. I’ve never experienced anything like it. And I hopefully humbly want to thank you for showing up. Some weeks are hard than others to pull together an episode. Each one of them takes anywhere from 4 to 6 hours to write and then time to record, send to John Crowley, my audio engineer, for editing. Then he sends it back to me. And I listen again. Then Christine Mathias, my go-to person for so much makes the graphic – sometimes edits what I write for the show notes. Reminds me of some scheduling issue or another. Gets the episodes in the weekly newsletter. Sends that out. It’s a true team effort. And I’m so lucky to have these talented people on that team. I thought it would be fun for y’all to hear from them – the guys themselves – John Crowley and Christine Mathias… You will hear their hearts as well… And of course, a huge thank you to our sponsors, BetterHelp and Athletic Greens. Their support has made the podcast much easier and hopefully, both companies have helped you find a better, healthier way to live. So, let's celebrate together! Happy 5th Anniversary!!
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    Don't miss an episode of The SelfWork Podcast and subscribe to it in the GetPodcast app.

    iOS buttonAndroid button
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    253 SelfWork: The Loss of Innocence: When Mom or Dad Sexually Abuses

    27:24

    Welcome to a difficult episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp.  First of all, I need to state a trigger/content warning for anyone listening who was forced manipulatively, physically or sexually into a sexual relationship with a parent or grandparent. I’ve done an episode on sibling sexual abuse and received a lot of feedback, thanking me for explaining the feelings associated with being molested by a brother or sister. Today, we’re going to widen the discussion to familial incest, and will focus on when a parent sexualizes the relationship they have a with a child. I’ll use the case histories of people I’ve worked with, both women and men, to describe what happened to them, and how they’ve come to understand and heal their very deep wounds of never feeling safe or loved for who they were, but for what they could “do” or were forced to do for a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or an uncle. – literally being treated like an object there to be controlled and manipulated. The international sexual abuse hotline links can be found below in your show notes. Today’s listener email is from a listener who’s identified with borderline personality disorder and who's struggling with self-forgiveness. Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! RAINN statistics on incest and sexual abuse A SelfWork episode on confronting your abuser Melissa Bradley-Ball, sexual abuse expert,  speaking on healing from abuse SelfWork episode on self-forgiveness If you’ve been abused, there are several excellent books that might help you. “The Courage To Heal” by Laura Davis and “Waking The Tiger” by Peter Levine are two classics. Many rape crisis centers also run free groups for victims, as do individual counselors. There are chat groups on Twitter — use the hashtag #CSA. Child Abuse Hotlines can be found here. International Abuse Hotlines https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/child-helplines/child-helpline-network/ https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html https://www.rainn.org/ https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/ BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    252 SelfWork: Is My Depression Me Or Is It My Relationship?

    25:30

    Today I want to focus on the confusion that anyone can have about what's causing their depression. And the important question is, "Is it me or is it my relationship?"  The episode is in answer to an email I received from a 20-something listener but is a confusing problem for many. They write, “I would love to not receive a solution, but just gain some perspective on what you believe would be wise for me to do.” Well, that’s good because I’m not sure I can offer a solution. But I’ll see what research says and add my input. Today’s listener email is also about relationships and regaining trust. The listener writes, “Everything I wanted is now mine.” But she’s struggling with resentment after her husband had an affair.  So in this episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens (now known as AG1!) , we’ll be focusing on relationships and the hurdles that many face within them.  Welcome as always to SelfWork! Important Links: Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! An early SelfWork podcast on healing after an affair and regaining trust Psychology Today article on the "seven year itch" You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    251 SelfWork: Am I In The Right Career? A Conversation with Career Coach Ashley Stahl

    51:01

    Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, spokesperson, and author of the bestselling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her online courses, and her podcast, the You Turn Podcast, she’s been able to support clients in 31 countries in discovering their best career path, upgrading their confidence, and landing more job offers. She maintains a monthly career column in Forbes, and her work has been also featured in outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, and more. Those are the facts about Ashley Stahl. But let me tell you what it’s like to talk with her. She’s quick, bright, compassionate – quick to laugh. And her advice and guidance about choosing a career or moving into a career that’s not necessarily about your passion, but uses your core values, skills and very nature – where your particular brand of of energy can have the chance to be naturally expressed every day and bring you fulfillment – is refreshing to hear. Her book isn’t a checklist of to-do’s about getting the perfect job for you – but is chock-full of personal stories that give her message context and power. I changed careers in my late 20’s and it took nine years to do so but was so very worth that time. I wish I’d had her book as I realize I stumbled around looking for the direction she provides. So now,  in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, please listen into some of the best advice I’ve ever heard about how to find a career that not only fits you, but keeps you growing. I invite you to meet Ashley Stahl. Other Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! My course about facing depression on Himalaya. CEYou! Course for clinicians on The Hidden Potential for Suicide You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    SelfWork YGTG (You Get The Gist) What's Serotonin Syndrome?

    3:42

    Many people these days are on an SSRI, a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. Like Lexapro. Or Prozac. But there is some danger that needs mostly to be known to be prevented. There's a condition called serotonin syndrome, where you have too much serotonin in your system, that can be very dangerous. It doesn't happen that often, but you need to know the symptoms and catch it before it wreaks true danger. So on today's SelfWork YGTG, we'll define what it is and what you should do if you, or someone you love, experiences it. Important Links: Article I took most of this information from (as well as my clinical experience...). You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!              
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    250 SelfWork: Where Does Willpower Come From?

    24:38

    This is the 250th episode of SelfWork. And frankly, I'm amazed. So, that made me wonder... where does willpower come from? Can you learn to have more willpower? What makes something worth sacrificing for? What can cause you to forego immediate gratification for something where you’ll obtain or earn or enjoy something in the future? Is it your “fault” if you struggle with willpower? If you’ve listened before to SelfWork, you can probably guess that I don’t believe that.. nor has that been my experience as a therapist. Yet I know there are many who walk around shaming themselves for not having “enough” willpower. So, in this episode sponsored once again by Athletic Greens, we'll talk about what the most recent research says about willpower, and how it debunks some old ideas about where it comes from. And perhaps the most important message? A struggle with willpower is not a moral failing. The listener email is from a woman who found herself within the traits of perfectly hidden depression and wanted to let me know what that had helped her see – and asked about conquering the anxiety of opening up. Important Links: Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription! The APA article on the research about willpower The controversy about willpower research and what studies show about people with self-control. You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    249 SelfWork: How To Calm Your Mind or What Would Mister Rogers Say?

    28:04

    Today we’re focused on how on the power of words can calm or basically how to self-soothe. I stopped to think about “soothers” with words in our culture , such as Mister Rogers, Aibileen Clark from the movie The Help, and even more recently and comically, Ted Lasso. What they did or do reminds us of what we can do to calm ourselves. Dr. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist, author, researcher and integrative neurobiologist coined the phrase “Name it to tame it.” And watching his YouTube videos on how our nervous systems work together to achieve calm is fascinating. I'll do my best to demonstrate his model of the brain so you can see for yourself! Our listener email is from someone who has gained a lot from SelfWork – always something that makes me smile – but can’t stop worrying about the cancel culture that has arrived – suddenly you’re simply not around anymore or important or valued – because of what can seem like immediate and complete social rejection. So thanks so much for joining me on this episode of SelfWork – graciously sponsored by BetterHelp – and you’ll hear a wonderful offer from them just because you’re a SelfWork listener. Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! YouTube Video of Dr. Dan Siegel demonstrating the "hand brain" Dr. Dan Siegel article about Mister Rogers New York Post article on cancel culture You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    248 SelfWork: Six Major Reasons You Might Tend to Quit Therapy

    25:06

      This episode is my response to a review that was left on SelfWork this week. They write, “Thank you for taking the time to make this podcast. I’ve tried therapy at least five times in the last ten years for anxiety, depression and grief. I could never stick with therapy. But since discovering your podcast and binging on the episodes that resonate, I feel much more confident about taking on therapy and more modern treatments, and much more informed. “ So, on this episode of SelfWork sponsored by Athletic Greens,  we'll focus on why you might tend to quit therapy – or at least the reasons you give.  And my recommendation is to think through the "why" of your desire to leave the relationship. This issue may be more complicated than first thought. Tied in with that, what are the roles therapists can play? Or what are the different structures for therapy? If you know these roles, you’ll walk into the relationship realizing all it could be – and make sure you and your therapist are headed in the direction that you understand and believe could be helpful. The listener email is short and sweet.. and has to do with getting over “hard feelings.” I appreciated this question in its simplicity. Hard feelings are something that can stick around for a. long time and cause the feeler of them much more harm that whoever they’re toward. Or whatever they’re about. So, I can’t wait to dig into that one. Important Links: Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens with bonus product with your subscription! And join me for a real chat - you and me talking! Click here and request permission to access Fireside! A wonderful article by Ms. Griffith and Good Therapy on five reasons for quitting therapy. I used this article as part of the scaffolding for my own comments and it's a great article. You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available! And you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!      
  • The SelfWork Podcast podcast

    247 SelfWork: Self-Forgiveness and Seven Things That Might Make It Harder

    24:34

    When I was a kid, I went to a Presbyterian church every Sunday and grew up there. Sunday School, church, youth group – the whole program. That’s not the subject for this episode, however. The topic today is self-forgiveness. Why did I bring up my church memories? Because I was very thoughtful about the whole thing, and remember asking my mother this question: “How can I hear me knocking on God’s door?” This innocent question was based on the scripture, “Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.”  I was curious about just how I was going to know that door was opening if I couldn’t even hear myself knock. I now realize our own beliefs are found in our inner mind and heart – we “know” them, but they aren’t concrete. We “hear” them inside our own thoughts and feelings. We feel and know love. We feel and know sorrow. And we feel and know or recognize self-forgiveness. It happens inwardly. You can’t see it – but you can sure feel it. So in this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll talk about how to get to self-forgiveness and seven things that might make that harder. Our listener email is from someone who’s very depressed and estranged from her family. She asks me what she can do… What would you say? Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! A well-written article from VeryWellMind on the four steps toward self-forgiveness A new exciting way to interact with me on Fireside! Let's get talking! Just click here! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    

Get the whole world of podcasts with the free GetPodcast app.

Subscribe to your favorite podcasts, listen to episodes offline and get thrilling recommendations.

iOS buttonAndroid button
© radio.de GmbH 2021radio.net logo