Separation, Ordeal, Return: Creating Men's Circles with Lee Stegels

In this episode, Julia and Tessa talk about creating a circle to look back over the last year and forward to the year to come. This could be with a group of friends in your home or in a special class or workshop.

In this final episode of Series 1 of the Circle Holding Podcast, Julia and Tessa reflect on what they learnt from the diverse circle facilitators who were interviewed. They also look back on their own experiences of being in circle and holding space, remembering magical moments and some challenging ones!

In this episode, Julia and Andy covered: • Participatory democracy is about a deeper level of democracy e.g. Citizen’s assembly to listen to diverse voices and find common solutions • Danger of spiritual bypassing when engaged in spiritual practices at the expense of everyday relationships in society • ‘Deep democracy’ tries to draw inner voices into democratic process as microcosm of outer world • Talking in circle ‘until the obvious arises’ leads to real solutions • Facilitator balances aim of meeting with making people comfortable to take part • Appreciative enquiry to use imagination through crafts or drawing so that people have chance to express themselves through different methods • Dynamic facilitation to reflect back what you’ve heard and to create a safe space where creative solutions can emerge rather than fighting about different opinions • Diversity in facilitators to match diversity of participants and to ensure that there isn’t a power imbalance • Parliament as opposite of circle holding – paradigms that current society build on makes collaboration harder

In this episode with Liz of Becoming Mums, we covered: • The importance of having co-facilitators to support with the skills to read the room and create a permissive atmosphere • How being clear about what your demographic needs is more important than what you want to do (and will help you get funding) • Talking to existing organisations or projects that work with your demographic to see how they work and what gaps in provision there are so you’re not reinventing the wheel but creating allies • The importance of paying artists a proper fee for their time in providing a creative aspect to your circle and how creating can support talking • How you as a facilitator create the structure for the space, but then get out of the way of where the talking wants to go: it’s not about your agency but the people who are there • Having shared experience / being a peer makes all the difference when inviting speakers to a circle • How as a facilitator there might come a time when it’s right to move on because you’re no longer in the demographic • Creating community and connections is what underpins change in society

In this episode, we covered: Talking circles are called by different names, including conversation circles, listening circles, sharing circles and groups (women's groups, men's groups, girl's groups) Circle time can be very straight forward or contain lots of ceremony - it depends on the purpose and the demographic Ceremony can be missing in many people's lives and be enriching Having familiar words or practices (or rituals) can create a sense of safety and familiarity that helps settle people's nervous systems There's space for all sorts of different circles If you're unsure about going to one, contact the facilitator and ask what the circle is like

In this episode, Julia and Lee covered: • How men are often attracted to circle when they’re at crisis point • The application process for the closed group after being part of an open one • The structure of the meeting allows deep sharings to happen: ‘freedom within form’ • How he provides several opportunities to talk, with longer each time for more depth • Silence can be part of a person’s allotted time • Structure, intention and timeframe are three important aspects to consider • Rites of passage for men include grief and facing fear • Working with 14-16 year old boys involves matching then with a ‘man of trust’ who has done his own work • It’s important to attend a circle yourself as a facilitator and have your own self-practice • Toxic masculinity is toxic terminology – there is zero tolerance to sexist, racist or homophobic language, but use of it rarely happens in circle • Lee shares how to do an introduction to a men’s circle and a settling practice

In this episode, Julia and Tessa covered: The hidden costs and time spent in running a talking circle Avoiding facilitator burnout by being compensated for your time Different models for running a listening circle Getting funding to make the circle free for participants to attend Experiences of trying to run a circle by donation

In this episode with Jane Bennett, we covered: • How a circle format can work well for sensitive topics in general and to differentiate it from puberty lessons in school in particular • We talked about how having a conversation before the circle can help manage expectations of what will happen • How circle time can lessen feelings of shame or embarrassment and increase positivity around taboo subjects • When crafts or other ways of keeping hands and eyes busy can be advantageous • Why the process of normalising talking about difficult subjects is so important and how circle facilitators achieve that • How you adapt for the people attending the circle, with the example of dads attending Fathers Celebrating Daughters events • A fantastic tip for new (and old) facilitators on the importance of taking time to be present.

In this episode about listening with Julia and Tessa, we covered: The importance of the listener being attuned and not having an agenda How wonderful when listening is reciprocal and the listener isn’t trying to fix anything The signs of someone not listening to you How to do a Listening Partnership The joy of a longer term listening partnership That self-worth can grow as someone feels their voice is important

In this episode, Julia and Ben covered: • How breathwork can be transformation and does involve deep feelings and going to somone’s edge • Breathwork is not regulated but you can check whether facilitators are signed up to the voluntary organisation Global Professional Breathwork Alliance (GPBA) • There are two main aspects in facilitation: framing (doing, the structure, organisation) and the felt sense, which guides you to know when to push someone, when to ease off, when to offer touch (with consent) • Breathwork session can be really different, rather than knowing the exact number of people to have in a session, the size of the venue etc, the important aspect is to have structure in place and then follow your felt sense • It’s important to think about comfort and be welcoming because people want to belong • Good to include fun at the beginning of a session to reduce awkwardness and break the ice. • Ben shares an example of a light hearted icebreaker that also is a corridor to deeper feelings.