Episode 34: Stop Hoping Your Narcissist Will Change

When children are part of the equation of how a divorce is handled, being intentional about doing what is best for them is so important. Divorce is traumatic for everyone involved and it can have a lasting effect on children, especially. That’s a weighty responsibility when it comes to re-learning how to parent in the midst of, and after, a divorce.    This week’s guest, Sarah Armstrong, shares her powerful story of navigating divorce with her daughter’s well-being at the forefront. It’s incredibly easy for animosity between divorced parents to create a toxic environment for their children, and how children experience divorce remains with them for the rest of their lives. Through thoughtful intentionality, Sarah and her ex charted a course that made space for each of them to process and express their grief while doing their best to minimize trauma for their daughter. That hard work was rewarded a year later when Sarah’s daughter described her parents' divorce as a “good one.”   When Sarah isn’t traveling the world as a global business executive, she works to break down the stigma that surrounds divorce through her book, The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce. I hope you enjoy hearing her story this week on the Divorce Doctor Podcast.   Learn more about Sarah by visiting her website at momsguidetogooddivorce.com.

Sometimes, healing after a divorce can feel impossible. For many women, marriage was presented to us as the fulfillment of all of our hopes, dreams, desires, and personhood. Our guest this week, Martha Bodyfelt, shares that when she got married, she had this picture of herself and her husband as a “power couple” who were going to grow old gracefully together. But, when cracks started to appear and divorce became necessary, she shared that she felt as if her entire identity and sense of self crumbled like a cookie.   To move forward, she had to get curious and start asking herself questions about what she liked, what she wanted, and what made her feel alive. This sense of curiosity led her to discover a love for pastry cooking and start to dream about a future that could be beautiful and full–even without a husband. Since her own journey of discovery, she has helped countless other women find freedom from the feeling of being stuck in a marriage fantasy and move into a place of self-discovery, connection to self, and purpose after divorce.   Martha Bodyfelt is a certified divorce recovery coach who teaches divorced women how to break free from the patterns that keep them stuck so they can feel fulfilled, have more fun, and live fearlessly. In the past 5 years, she has professionally coached over 100 women using the LionHeart Method, a no-BS, empowering solution that helps women recover from divorce pain and thrive in a matter of weeks, not years. Martha has also served as a divorce expert contributor to the Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, Psychology Today, and Thrive Global, where her advice has impacted over 10 million divorced women.   Learn more about Martha by visiting her website at https://marthabodyfelt.com/    And if you want your own Divorce Goddess Recovery Guide AND want to discover the real reason you’re feeling stuck after divorce–head over to https://marthabodyfelt.com/ and sign up. You won’t regret it! 

“Amicable” is not a word that many divorcees use to describe their divorce processes. However, Jessica Klingbaum has gone through not just one, but two divorces that both ended amicably on good terms. So, how did she do it? That is the question we explore on this week’s podcast.   Jessica’s first marriage ended when her husband was caught having an affair, and although that was emotionally devastating for Jessica, it was important to her that they end their divorce on good terms for the sake of their two kids. Through humility and hard work on both sides, along with Jessica’s own positive attitude and strength, she and her ex remain friends. Her second marriage didn’t end quite so dramatically. Instead, she came to the realization a couple of years in that she was feeling depressed, anxious, and just kind of blue all of the time. She had to ask herself if she wanted her kids to experience their last years at home with a mom who was not herself, or a mom who was joyful and full of life–and she and her husband made the hard choice to end the marriage for the sake of their individual happiness.   Jessica is a former Emmy-nominated TV producer, co-founder of the online digital media community exEXPERTS, and co-host of the podcast Divorce etc... Jessica is also a certified aromatherapist and devoted advocate of essential oils, which she began using after getting divorced in order to relax and find calm amid the chaos. Her story is one you will want to be sure to listen to, as she has lots more wisdom to share with us about journeying divorce well.   Learn more about Jessica by visiting her website at www.exexperts.comYou can also find her on social media:@exexperts (IG)www.Facebook.com/exexperts   AND, if you visit the website or listen in to the podcast, you can get access to FREE content on  exexperts.com and our Divorce etc...podcast.  A new app is coming soon  with an opportunity to meet others who GET IT and live events to access the exEXPERTS - both T.H. & Jessica and our vetted divorce professionals.

Ellen Bruno has journeyed all across the globe as a documentary filmmaker, bringing awareness to many humanitarian and human rights injustices. But one of the most exhilarating and treacherous journeys she has ever taken was her journey of divorce.   Ellen herself had divorced parents and she shares that it was a very difficult and emotionally fraught experience for her growing up. So when she and her husband were heading towards divorce, Ellen was determined that this divorce process and aftermath would be a better experience for her own children. However, things didn't go as she hoped. As Ellen shares her story, she explains the power of recognizing that sometimes, all you can do is your best and let go of the rest–and that doing so can lead to so much freedom to move forward in healthy, energized ways.   You don’t want to miss this week’s podcast. Not only does Ellen share with us her own story and experiences, but she also shares a little about the documentary film she directed and produced as a result of her divorce experience called “Split.” It’s a film that every parent and kid of a divorced family should watch, as it centers on interviewing and exploring the feelings and experiences of 12 children of divorced parents. And, she has another film coming out–“Split 2”–which is set to be just as insightful and powerful as the first.   Learn more about Ellen by visiting her website at http://www.splitfilm.org/ 

T.H. Irwin is always moving forward. Throughout her lifetime, she’s had to reinvent herself several times both personally and professionally, and through this process, she has learned how to evolve and grow through every challenge. She has a background in marketing, strategy, experiential events, and community development, and is also the co-founder of Ex Experts with her current partner. She’s been single, married, divorced mom, and now in a partnership again, and she shares her story with us  this week on the podcast. T.H. has such a moving story. She shares with us this week that her husband’s mistress saved her life because she was able to finally get the push she needed to leave the marriage. And while the divorce was necessary and turned out for the best, it was a long, heartrending, expensive process that T.H. doesn’t shy away from sharing with us. And after things were finalized, T.H. went through an even longer process of healing from the hurt and the trauma of her marriage, and she shares with us what that healing journey was like, and how she’s found a sense of self-confidence she’s never had before. You won’t want to miss this week’s conversation with T.H. It is eye-opening, inspiring, encouraging, and is sure to remind you that no matter what you may be going through, you have what it takes to keep moving forward. Learn more about T.H. Irwin by visiting her website at www.exexperts.com. Or, visit them on Facebook, Instagram, or catch their Podcast on most major streaming platforms. If you visit their website, be sure to check out the FREE content on it, and keep your eyes out for a new app coming soon that’ll provide an opportunity to meet others who GET IT!

What would the world be like if everyone loved themselves?    This is the question that Susyn Reeve first asked herself when she was 14 years old, and it is a question that continues to guide her work and life today. Throughout the years, Susyn has come to understand that a loving relationship with yourself builds the foundation of every other relationship in your life. Her work is rooted in helping others deeply apply this concept to their lives.   In 1997, Susyn was internally battling deep self-loathing, the belief that there was something wrong with her and that there was no escape from the recurrent misery, isolation, and shame she had felt during much of her life. She knew something needed to change in her own heart so she could live a life open to love and happiness in the future. So, she began this deep healing work to move from a mindset of “I’m Not Enough” to “I Love Me.” That journey was transformative for her, and now she works to help others do the same.   Susyn offers individual and group workshops focused on combining deep heart healing and creative expression to move people from places of shame to places of bold self-acceptance. She’s even offering a free resource to listeners of this week’s podcast because she wants everyone to begin the powerful journey of self-love in their own lives!   Learn more about Susyn by visiting her website at https://susynreeve.com/ 

What is the hardest part about divorce?  For Alexandra Eva-May, it was dealing with feelings of shame and self-worth. After the divorce, it became learning how to live alone and foster a sense of independence. Knowing that her story could benefit others going through a complicated and traumatic divorce, she wrote Her Awakening: One Woman’s Journey to Healing After Divorce, available on Amazon. Alexandra didn’t stop there, however. You can find her on her podcast Heal and Thrive After Heartbreak, and you can also find her on Instagram.    Alexandra believes that despite the trauma divorce can bring, it will eventually become something greater if you just have hope. She went from feeling worthless to realizing that she can survive hard things and that the view from the other side is beautiful.   She is determined to help others in their path to healing from divorce, despite what the inner voice says about being “too young,” “too invested,” or “too broken.”    Alexandra Eva-May is a writer, blogger, motivational speaker, mental health advocate, and divorcée who is on a mission to help others on their healing journey after divorce. You can often find her on her blog or Instagram, sharing how she healed from her own split. She is in constant pursuit of peace, light, and happiness and works to motivate others to seek the same.   Learn more about Alexandra Eva-May by visiting her website at https://www.thesplendidpath.com/   

after her divorce in 2017, it felt like Stella Papadopoulos’ world had fallen apart. At age 60, after 25 years of marriage, she felt stuck. She knows many, many women find themselves in this exact same situation and started working to help them. Stella used her savvy business skills and can-do attitude to build her business from the ground up and has recently self-published “I’m Getting Divorced Where Do I Start?” on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Im-Getting-Divorced-Where-Start-ebook/dp/B088X66JVZ/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1591720921&sr=8-1] . Along with this, she uses all of her experiences to help women facing divorce reclaim their life. She is now launching a program called “Starting Your Second Act,” which will include a video course (Breakup to Breakthrough), 1:1 consulting, and more.   Her philosophy is: You know what you want, need, and deserve. Now it’s all about figuring out your willingness to go after it. You don’t know where it will lead, but you know you need to start somewhere. You are at the right place!   Stella is focused on shattering the myth that it is too late to start over and demonstrates that you can create a new life after 40, or 50, or in her case, 60!   She seeks to walk alongside you as you rediscover the inspired, enthusiastic woman you wanted to be before you became the emotional glue of the household and took responsibility for everyone’s challenges. Your second act can be better than your first. It’s time to remember the dreams you abandoned along the path to adulting.   You can learn more about Stella by visiting her website at Inspirationsbystella.com or by checking out her YouTube channel.

After experiencing the divorce of her parents at the age of 3, Bella decided she wanted to become a voice for the people out there who also have been through a divorce. She has become an advocate for many. Although she believes every story is different, she is using her words on her website to help those who have also experienced a divorce. She believes that she did not have the skills to properly cope with the effects of divorce, so her life now is dedicated to showing others how to cope, speak about their story, and to find comfort that many out there are going through similar situations.   Her posts on her BLOG [https://www.akidwithtwohomes.com/]  share the experiences she has dealt with. Many are the struggles of conflict, handling holidays with two homes, and navigating how society deals with divorced children. In her well-written words, she often validates the feelings of children of divorced parents and shares her experience with forgiveness. Bella’s words, whether written or spoken, have brought hope, encouragement, and truth to those who are also known as “kid with two homes.”   Want to hear more from Bella? Check out her blog! It is free and accessible: https://www.akidwithtwohomes.com/

Everyone resonates with a story like Tiphany Kane’s. Tiphany grew up in a patriarchal family dictated by religion. Though she left the church at 20, the relationship foundations she learned stayed with her. Tiphany went above and beyond to make her marriage work, and abuse wasn’t enough to make her leave.   After a life-changing event, Tiphany realized that her marriage was toxic and needed to end. As she faced the financially devastating journey of divorce, Tiphany realized how important it is to also keep her family intact. It hasn’t been easy, but Tiphany has done her best to keep her children and their father on good terms.   Today, Tiphany looks back and is glad she had the foresight to see that abuse is complicated, and more often than not, it’s hard to make “the decision” to leave. Through the twists and turns, she’s developed an empowering message on handling abuse and making the most out of co-parenting.   Learn more about Tiphany by visiting her website at https://tiphanykane.com/   Interested in self-love? She also offers a free guide that shows simple ways to practice self-love. https://www.subscribepage.com/loveandlifeselflove