233. Making Friends In Adulthood (The Real Reason Why This Is Hard)

**[3:25] Getting Started: Why Manifestation?**  - I share a personal update about teaching spin class while recovering from a cold.  - Introduction to the episode's focus: Manifestation.  - Initial thoughts on manifestation inspired by a business coach’s TikTok content.  - Connection between self-love and manifestation as a practical tool.  ---**[8:45] What is Manifestation?**  - Reflection on past trends like *The Secret* and how manifestation is often misunderstood.  - A non-spiritual, practical approach to manifestation: focusing on what you want to create.  - Identifying controllable vs. uncontrollable factors in life---**[14:30] Manifesting Your Goals**  - The importance of identifying where you are and why.  - Using curiosity, not judgment, to examine current circumstances.  - Emotions as the foundation of manifestation:   - How emotions affect energy, actions, and interactions.   - Examples: weight loss, relationships, financial goals.  ---**[21:10] The Emotional Component**  - Understanding and managing the emotional fuel needed for manifesting goals.  - Why confidence is often unavailable for new challenges, and how courage and resilience fill the gap.  - Emotions like love, care, and curiosity as drivers for relationship goals.  ---**[28:00] Example: Managing Conflict Through Emotional Energy**  - Story of resolving conflict with compassion during a challenging customer service experience.  - Lesson: Diffusing situations with empathy and manifesting better outcomes.  ---**[32:45] Emotional Literacy: Key to Manifestation**  - Most people lack the vocabulary to describe nuanced emotions.  - The role of an emotional thesaurus in identifying and processing emotions.  - Examples: shades of anger (e.g., jealousy, resentment) vs. positive emotions (e.g., fulfillment, satisfaction).  ---**[38:00] The Process of Manifestation**  1. Recognize and process negative emotions.  2. Build emotional capacity through nervous system regulation.  3. Generate emotions like courage or resilience to fuel forward motion.  4. Apply these skills to specific goals.  ---**[45:15] My Framework for Manifestation**  - Understanding manifestation as an emotional equation.  - Practical tools to grow emotional capacity and create desired results.  - Importance of small, actionable steps in coaching.  ---**[50:30]- Manifestation is about energy, not manipulation or magic.  - Invitation to book a free discovery call for personalized guidance.   - Book at [amandahess.ca/bookacall](https://amandahess.ca/bookacall).  - Upcoming free training on manifestation in the Facebook group "Self Love Club."   - Join at [joinamanda.com](https://joinamanda.com).  - Encouragement to leave a review and share the podcast to help more women.  ---**[55:00] Final Thoughts**  - Manifestation is a skill worth developing for anyone wanting to create meaningful change.  - Gratitude for listeners and a promise of weekly episodes filled with insights and support.  ---  **Links and Resources**  - Free Discovery Call: amandahess.ca/bookacall- Join The Self-Love Club: joinamanda.ca ---  Thank you for listening! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review to help grow this podcast and support more women in their self-love journeys.

Curious about what coaching looks like?  This is a real coaching session to help you see what you can expect.  In this episode, I share a live coaching session with a courageous friend from my community. This session provides insight into what coaching can look like and how transformative it can be. You’ll hear moments of teaching, interruption to shift thought patterns, and examples of how coaching differs from traditional talk therapy. **[00:00] Intro:**- I explain the episode's premise and my approach to coaching.- Emphasis on the blend of teaching and open-ended questions.- Acknowledgment of gratitude for my guest’s vulnerability. **[02:35] Starting the Coaching Session:**- My guest and I exchange warm greetings.- She shares feelings of being overstimulated after Christmas shopping.- I set the tone for the session: exploring challenges and finding new perspectives. **[06:10] Life Satisfaction Scale:**- My guest rates her current life as a 7 out of 10.- We discuss the reasons: good coping skills but struggles with overwhelm, reactivity, and balance. **[09:45] Identifying Reactivity:**- She shares that reactivity often stems from feeling overwhelmed.- I delve deeper, asking why she dislikes reacting.- She identifies the struggle of not listening fully and reacting prematurely. **[15:00] Addressing Childhood Triggers:**- My guest discusses a specific instance with her mother, a recovering addict.- Scenario: Reactivity triggered by suspicion about her mother’s actions (leaving her car at the mall).- She reflects on emotions like fear, disappointment, and feeling let down. **[22:15] Exploring Disappointment and Boundaries:**- I encourage separating adult and child relationships with parents.- She shares childhood experiences of caretaking responsibilities and how these influence current dynamics.- We discuss unhealed parts of ourselves and managing expectations. **[30:00] Tools for Managing Reactivity:**- I share strategies for responding less reactively: - Recognizing emotional waves and allowing them to pass. - Having compassion for oneself when triggered. - Separating personal safety and well-being from the other person’s actions. **[36:45] Shifting Perspectives:**- I introduce the concept of “responsibility hoarding” and the false sense of control it creates.- She reflects on how these tendencies show up in her relationship and parenting dynamics. **[44:00] Building Emotional Capacity:**- I explain grief and trauma as constants, using the “black dot” metaphor.- Emphasis on growing emotional capacity to manage complex relationships.- She considers replacing fear-driven actions with love-driven boundaries. **[52:30] Practical Tools for Boundaries:**- I advise slowing down decisions and creating mental space before responding to urgent requests.- She reflects on recent boundary-setting successes and areas for improvement. **[59:00] Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain:**- I differentiate between grieving past realities (“clean pain”) and unnecessary suffering caused by worrying about uncontrollable future outcomes (“dirty pain”).- She acknowledges her tendency to spiral into “dirty pain” and commits to practicing self-awareness. **[01:06:15] Final Reflections:**- I highlight the importance of self-compassion and allowing emotional growth.- She expresses gratitude for the tools and perspectives shared.- I remind listeners that relationships, especially complex ones, are ongoing work but can improve with intentionality and love. **[01:10:00] Closing:**- I thank listeners for tuning in.- Call-to-action: Leave a review and book a free consultation to tackle stress and anxiety for good.---**Links and Resources:**- Want to try your own session?  Book a free call: amandahess.ca- Follow me on Instagram and share your thoughts about the episode! https://www.instagram.com/theamandahess/  

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of gratitude. As American Thanksgiving approaches, gratitude becomes a hot topic, but is forcing gratitude always a good idea? I explore why it’s okay not to feel grateful during challenging times and how embracing intentionality and celebration can create genuine positive emotions. Listen in as I share personal stories, insights from coaching sessions, and actionable steps to help you break free from fake gratitude and step into a more fulfilling life.Episode Highlights with Timestamps:[00:00] - Introduction: Amanda introduces the topic of gratitude and explains the inspiration behind this episode—American Thanksgiving.[02:30] - The Problem with Forced Gratitude: Amanda shares her perspective on why forcing gratitude can feel like gaslighting and why it’s often counterproductive during tough times.[06:15] - Real Gratitude vs. Fake Gratitude:  What is real gratitude? Amanda explains how genuine gratitude emerges naturally after processing emotions, rather than as a forced response.[09:40] - The Power of CelebrationAmanda discusses how celebrating achievements, no matter how small, can be more impactful than surface-level gratitude practices.[12:25] - Client Story: Finding Deeper CelebrationsA client’s journey to celebrating her ability to trust her own decisions rather than relying on others.[14:45] - Why Gratitude Feels Hollow:  Amanda shares how “ticking the gratitude box” often doesn’t spark meaningful change or fulfillment.[17:30] - Overcoming Fear to Access Joy and Fulfillment:  Using her own figure skating experience, Amanda illustrates how pushing through fear leads to deeper emotions of pride, excitement, and joy.[22:50] - Fear as the Gateway to Growth:  Amanda reframes fear as a necessary component of growth and shares how discomfort can lead to significant emotional payoffs.[26:10] - Practical Steps to Break Out of Your Comfort Zone:  Amanda offers actionable advice on how to step out of your comfort zone and create more connection, joy, and excitement in your life.[30:15] - Coaching Strategies for Tackling Anxiety and Fear:  Amanda discusses how breaking down anxiety into manageable pieces helps clients move past fears and achieve meaningful goals.[34:00] - Why True Gratitude is Built Through Action:  Amanda shares how living intentionally and taking courageous steps fosters authentic gratitude.[37:40] - Call to Action:  Amanda invites listeners to book a discovery call to begin their transformation journey and reminds them not to wait until the new year to start.Key Quotes:“If you’re forcing gratitude, it’s not gratitude; it’s gaslighting yourself.”“Real gratitude comes when we’ve processed the hard stuff and see how it’s shaped us.”“The price we pay for joy, pride, and fulfillment is stepping out of our comfort zones.”“Don’t wait until the new year to start your transformation. You can start feeling different tomorrow.”Resources Mentioned:Book a Free Coaching Consultation: amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect with Amanda on Social Media: Instagram | TiktokLeave a Review:If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps this podcast grow and reach more women who are ready to transform their lives.Subscribe for Weekly Episodes:Don’t miss out! New episodes drop every week to help you manage stress, tackle fear, and live with intention.

In this episode, I welcome neurodiversity consultant Jenine Lillian to discuss their journey to an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis, overcoming societal expectations, and building an inclusive world. Janine shares their unique perspective, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, connection, and actionable steps to live authentically.- **[00:00] - Intro and Welcome**  Amanda introduces Jenine Lillian, highlighting their work as a neurodiversity consultant and their warm personality.  - **[02:00] - Jenine’s Journey to Diagnosis**  Jenine shares their story of receiving a formal autism diagnosis at 52 and the barriers they faced along the way.  - **[10:30] - Navigating Neurodivergence**  Jenine discusses the challenges of masking, societal expectations, and the importance of authentic connections.  - **[18:45] - Self-Care and Rest**  The power of walking without a phone, limiting sensory input, and finding joy in quiet moments.  - **[26:15] - Breaking Down Stereotypes**  Jenine shares why labels like “too sensitive” or “overly emotional” can be harmful and the need to treat people as individuals.  - **[34:50] - Building Community**  Amanda and Jenine reflect on the value of saying “good morning” and creating layers of connection in life.  - **[42:00] - Addressing Inner Criticism**  How self-worth, dismantling past trauma, and embracing optimism can lead to empowerment.  - **[50:30] - What Jenine Offers**  Jenine talks about their business, including workshops for employers, executive dysfunction support, and their role as a resource for adults navigating neurodivergence.  - **[57:15] - The Importance of Play and Experimentation**  Jenine encourages listeners to try new things and “try on” new ideas to discover what brings them joy.  - **[01:03:00] - Final Thoughts and Homework**  Jenine leaves listeners with practical homework: take 20 minutes today to do something restorative for yourself.   --- **Resources and Links**   **Connect with Jenine Lillian**:   Visit their website at jeninelillian.com **Amanda’s Coaching Services**:   Book a free discovery call at amandahess.ca --- **Key Quotes**   - *"There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s about finding the support you need to thrive."* – Janine Lillian  - *"When you give without expecting something in return, you find the most authentic connections."* – Amanda   --- If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with someone who might benefit from Janine’s insights. Let’s build a world that’s more inclusive for everyone!  Jenine Lillian BioJenine Lillian (Jenine, they/them) is a Neurodiversity Consultant, educator, artist, writer,and librarian. For more than 20 years, Jenine has taught and presented across thepublic library sector in both the United States and Canada. Jenine has received nationalrecognition for their advocacy and library work with teens. After receiving a verylate-in-life diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Jenine started theirneurodiversity consultancy to raise awareness, reduce stigma and increase inclusion forneurodiversity and other invisible disabilities. Jenine lives in the Kootenays, BritishColumbia, where they can be found making art, talking with folks on sidewalks,birdwatching, building community through service and networking, and practicingself-care. You can reach Jenine at [email protected] and explore their website atwww.jeninelillian.com.Contact Jenine [email protected] emailwww.jeninelillian.com website 

In this episode, I delve deep into my personal journey and share insights on embracing and understanding emotions. As someone who has walked through emotional battles and navigated the ups and downs of diagnosis, I know how transformative it is to learn emotional resilience. We explore the essential nature of emotions, the importance of releasing judgment, and why moving beyond labels can unlock a more fulfilling life. This episode is about reducing suffering, increasing self-love, and finding a way to live joyfully, even with life’s challenges.- **[0:00] Introduction and Personal Journey**   I reflect on the journey of this podcast and my personal growth in business. This podcast is more than just content; it's a heartfelt endeavor to help others.- **[3:00] The Importance of Emotions**   Emotions are the core of a fulfilling life. We talk about how managing emotions is crucial for living intentionally and powerfully.- **[5:45] Personal Experiences with Emotional Battles**   I share my past struggles with intense emotions and how they impacted my life, especially during early motherhood. Emotions can be overwhelming, but there is a way to navigate them.- **[11:20] Client Stories and Emotional Challenges**   My clients’ experiences vary widely—from inner battles to life-altering events. Regardless of their circumstances, it all comes back to how they handle emotions.- **[16:30] Understanding and Allowing Emotions**   We're not taught how to feel or understand emotions deeply. I discuss how learning about feelings, their bodily sensations, and their impact on us is transformative.- **[21:10] Moving Beyond Diagnosis**   A diagnosis doesn’t have to define you. I share my experience with clinical diagnoses and why I choose to see them as information rather than identity. Diagnosis can provide insight, but it’s not a life sentence.- **[26:50] Reducing Suffering and Enhancing Life**   The goal in coaching is to reduce suffering and increase life satisfaction. We start by managing pain, then look for ways to enrich and enliven life.- **[30:45] Compulsion vs. Desire**   Compulsion often drives us out of fear, whereas desire is about genuine longing. Shifting from compulsion to desire is key to creating a life you truly want.- **[33:15] Final Thoughts and Closing Invitation**   Imagine what life could be like if you let go of the belief that something’s inherently wrong with you. What if you could experience relief, joy, and love without fixing "everything"?**Connect with Me:**If you’re ready to work through emotional challenges, I invite you to book a free call with me at [amandahess.ca](https://www.amandahess.ca) to start the journey to reducing suffering and creating a life you love.**Outro:**Thank you so much for tuning in! New episodes drop weekly. Please consider leaving a review—it helps the podcast grow and reach more listeners like you. And if you’re ready to make lasting change, schedule a free consult at amandahess.ca

Are you struggling with loneliness, craving genuine friendships, or feeling stuck in the same old patterns? I'm here to help. Join me as we explore the importance of human connection, the challenges of making friends in adulthood, and practical steps you can take to create meaningful relationships. Whether it's through my coaching insights or personal stories, I'm dedicated to helping you break the cycle of loneliness and build the connections you crave. Tune in every week for new episodes, and don't forget to book a free consult if you need personalized support. Let's make a real change together! – Amanda Hess00:00 Introduction and Personal Message01:19 The Reality of Loneliness02:32 Understanding Coaching03:31 The Importance of Friendship06:06 Challenges in Making Friends13:08 Steps to Build Connections24:18 The Value of Being a Good Friend25:48 Creating a Friendship Fabric29:08 Final Thoughts and Invitation30:45 Introduction to Friendship Topic31:12 Understanding Coaching and Its Role32:47 The Importance of Human Connection35:04 Challenges of Making Friends as Adults42:18 Steps to Build Adult Friendships53:42 The Value of Being a Good Friend55:13 Creating a Friendship Fabric58:36 Conclusion and Next StepsBook a discovery call with Amanda: https://amandahess.ca

Kathryn's Journey: From Therapy to Coaching Transformation In this heartfelt podcast episode, I, Amanda, welcome my client Kathryn, who shares her incredible journey over the past year through life coaching. Kathryn talks about her background as a clinical psychologist, the distinctions between therapy and coaching, and how small, enjoyable experiences have led to major life changes for her. She opens up about her struggles with a difficult divorce and feeling emotionally shut down, and reflects on the impactful shifts in her mindset and beliefs. You'll hear about the 'Rat Park' concept, layering positive experiences, and the importance of letting go of shame. We also discuss my unique coaching style and how anyone, at any age, can experience personal growth. This episode is packed with insights and inspiration for anyone looking to transform their life.If you are curious about working with Amanda, you can book a call to talk it over with her here: https://usemotion.com/meet/amanda-hess/call00:00 Welcome and Introduction02:15 Kathryn'sJourney to Coaching03:32 The Impact of Coaching on Divorce Recovery04:51 Understanding Emotional Barriers07:38 Small Steps to Big Changes11:45 The Rat Park Analogy19:04 Releasing Shame and Embracing Pleasure29:26 Shifting Perspectives and Expanding Capacity32:09 Understanding Emotional Resistance32:23 Growing Capacity for Emotions32:41 Balancing Negative and Positive Emotions33:17 Hyper Responsibility and Earning Joy35:39 Parental Expectations and Happiness37:23 Contentment and Optimism40:23 Embracing Risk and Flexibility48:32 Coaching vs. Therapy52:41 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

When we start down the road of personal development - we quickly notice that negative self-talk is a problem.  We see that our negative thoughts about ourselves create results that we don't want.  The thing is, we think that what we need is to shut that voice up.  But the problem is that we can't do it.  I'm going to teach you what actually works.Book a free call with Amanda: https://amandahess.ca/bookacall/

Burnout is something that everybody is talking about. If you think you might be burned out, you probably are. But that doesn't mean that is where you need to stay. Let's talk about it.

Making the decision to change your life can be so much easier than you think.  The only reason decisions seem hard is because we think there are RIGHT decisions and there are WRONG decisions.  But the truth is, you are only one decision away from changing the trajectory of your life at ANY given time.  You don't need more time or more information, you need to learn how to trust yourself.  Are you ready to change your life?Ready for change?  Book a call with Amanda and make real progress towards making that decision: https://amandahesscoaching.as.me/Discovery