Bachelor in Paradise season 7, finale : THEY FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE!

Greetings trashlings Sara Armour and Casey Bunker are back to bring you their most biting commentary and astrological analysis to recap  the three hour trashelor bachelor in paradise finale.

00:00 Sorry for being a day late, but Casey was seeing real housewife Sonja Morgan live at the helium comedy club in Philadelphia. Indeed, Sara is triggered by Sonja’s big weekend at a favorite club of hers (In fact the only club she’s performed at during the plague…) but based on the review from Casey, they realize Sonja is in fact Sara’s ideal client. A pitch is made. Does anyone know Sonia? Send her a link to the ep. Many thanks.

3:50 Becca and Thomas and Noah and Abagail. Break up to make up! 

10:00 Soeaking if Abagail … they try not to but cannot help but dive right into the deep waters of the Pisces soup -– or should we say tea — that is Claire-Dale-Abigate. We discussed Claire‘s devastating interview on red table talk before the big break up was revealed and give you all the dirt astrologically, psychically, and everything the Internet has drugged up. (NOTE: Immediately after recording breaking news came out with more details about the alleged affair — In May Dale and Abigail were spotted at a bar in Midtown which, and there are no coincidences, happens to be a bar where Sarah hosts/hosted a comedy show…What is synchronicity. Signs.) What’s funnier — tag-a-gail or abadail? Let us know in the comments or in a review!

35:00 a run down of the list of obvious engagements that happened on island, and the couples who broke-up in front of the cameras only to get back together after wrap. Noah and Abigail as predicted are post-show drunk and in love, Becca and Thomas are dating and have consummated their relationship (they speculate that Becca’s big break up moment was actually just avoiding the boom boom room …..). As for on camera fantasy suites / engagements : Mari eats a taco off of Kenny’s peen. Kendall intercepts right before Grocery Store Joe is about to get down on one knee, and fear that Riley and the producers hurt what should have been at least the romantic proposal of the bunch by making the same bad jokes three times leaving Maurissa excessively drenched in sweat on the altar. SMH.

Truly shocking how many couples came out of this season and hot take —  this could be the most efficient form of online dating in the end, begging the questions:
Should Sarah turn her lonely life in Florida into a singles retreat? Should we do Moonual matchmaking? Let us know.

43:43 The only couple that came as a surprise — bromance breakout couple of the show— Aaron and James! Friendship. It’s a beautiful thing. Love is love. Bros before Hoes.

50:00 Mulshine sisters in the spotlight and in review. High praise.

53:54 And finally In a satisfying conclusion Brendan and piper have broken the fuck up and Natasha one Instagram.

Karmas a bitch (beach?), looking forward to Michele’s season on the bachelorette starting October 19 and otherwise catch you tomorrow for a brand new episode of space trash podcast: lifestyles of the rich and Uranus.

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