You’re NOT Damaged Goods! — Mark Anthony Lord
Mark Anthony Lord is a spiritual teacher and helps the LGBTQ community get in touch with their spiritual side. As a gay man, Mark Anthony was told all his life that he was unloveable and that God hated him. However, Mark Anthony decided he wasn’t going to let that narrative control him anymore. He wanted to be connected to a higher power, he wanted to be spiritual, which is why he decided to redefine his relationship with God.
[2:00] A little bit about Mark Anthony and the work that he does.
[3:25] Mark Anthony is a gay man with a spiritual and religious background and understands the struggles the gay community has with God and religion.
[5:05] Mark Anthony was 25 when he ended up in a private treatment center in Canada.
[6:30] Mark Anthony spent years re-defining his relationship with God.
[9:25] If you want a spiritual life, it’s absolutely available to you. It can be very personal to you.
[11:40] If you’re not connected with your own spirit or yourself, how can you be connected with others?
[13:35] What happens if you believe you’re damaged goods?
[17:50] Mark Anthony offers some self-care tips to help you break out of this ‘damaged goods’ thinking.
[20:05] Forgiveness is very misunderstood.
[23:50] Just like you don’t just go to the gym once and forget about it once, the same applies to forgiveness.
- “We can’t turn to God for love and support because the one I was told about didn’t want me and didn’t like me.”
- “My spirituality made me face [my damaged goods narrative] and go, is that true? Hell no!”
- "There is so much pain around forgiveness and one of the things is we think we’re the ones that do it.”
- “Your higher power’s job is to make forgiveness happen and your job is to activate it and keep practicing it.”
Mais episódios de "Sex, Love, and Addiction: Healing Conversations for Men Who Have Sex with Men"
Exploring Sexual Integrity
30:27Steven Davidson is a licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Therapist in Fort Lauderdale. He is known as the Sexual Integrity Coach and has over 30 years of experience working with couples. He is also the author of Sexual Integrity. In this week's episode, Steven shares why it's so important to communicate your actual desires instead of keeping them secret from your partner. When Steven coaches men addicted to chemsex, he understands an underlying problem goes beyond the drugs; they're struggling with connection, intimacy, and bonding. Find out more on this week's episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] How does Steven define sexual integrity? [3:15] Sexualty doesn’t just happen at puberty. It develops throughout our early childhood. [5:30] There was a lot of toxic messaging around same sex attraction and it brings a lot o shame for those who fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. [7:20] Today, things are a little bit more open in how people can express their sexuality, but the work is still not done. [10:05] Did you know that it wasn't until 1967 that people of different races could marry each other? [13:20] Chemsex is unfortunately much more prevalent in Florida than in Tennessee. [16:35] Steven helps men define what their sexual preferences are, and uncover why they feel they need to be 'under the influence' in order to enjoy it. [20:45] Sex is a big part of how we connect with other people and how we bond with other people. In order for us to really connect, we have to be honest about our own kinks, fetishes, and desires. [24:20] Couples often keep secrets from each other about the bedroom and what they like. They're afraid of talking about it. Steven helps remove that stigma. [27:15] We are not good at repressing our sexual drives, and being in denial doesn't stop our desires. RESOURCES: Drstevendavidson.com Steven on LinkedIn https://www.facebook.com/dr.davidson.sexintegrity QUOTES: “For me, integrity is about being authentic, transparent, walking your talk, and being honest. Sexual integrity is about being honest about who you are as a sexual being and being respectful of who other people are.” “In childhood, we don't really think of children as sexual beings, but our sexuality starts forming in utero. In utero, there are things that are happening that influence our gender and our sexual orientation.” “Sexuality is innate. It's not something that's avoidable. We're designed to be sexual beings.”
IITAP’s Rainbow Advocate Program: Excellent New Resource and Curriculum to Learn About the LGBTQIA2+ Community
31:06Today we have three guests on the show. Dr. Stefanie Carnes is the President of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP), Kristina Padilla is the Vice President of Education & Strategic Development as well as the Chief Academic Officer for California Consortium of Addiction Programs and Professionals (CCAPP), and Randall McDaniel works as the Digital Media Coordinator and Community Manager for IITAP’s Rainbow Program. In this week’s episode, you’ll hear our three guests talk about some of the benefits of IITAP’s new educational rainbow program and why it’s perfect for those who want to understand their clients’ sexuality better, equip themselves to improve their support for the clients they serve, or just to be a better ally to the LGBTQIA2+ community in general. Find out more on this week’s show! TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] A little bit about today’s three guests! Dr. Stefanie, Kristina, and Randall. [4:00] Dr. Stefanie talks about IITAPand their new Rainbow Advocate Program. [6:30] Unfortunately, a lot of therapists feel really unprepared to work with the LGBTQIA2++ community. There’s just not enough resources out there for them. [8:10] Who is eligible to attend and be part of the Rainbow Advocate Program? [10:55] Kristina shares why this program is important to the community and additional info on who can benefit from a program like this. [12:30] For a lot of people, the terminology is not intuitive and/or easy to remember. It’s important we educate not only the public, but ourselves, on why these things matter. [15:00] Those who have lived through the AIDS epidemic are becoming retriggered once again with what’s going on with COVID. The thought of dying alone and being in isolation like some of their friends did in the 80s is very traumatic and triggering. [16:20] How does this program address shame and stigma? Dr. Stefanie shares her thoughts. [19:35] It’s important to everybody working on the Rainbow Advocate Program to make it a safe place for students to explore their own sexuality and ask questions. [20:05] Kristina shares what she’s most excited about the program. [20:35] This program addresses cultural issues and the historical trauma Native Americans have and have experienced. [21:40] What does this program mean to Randall? [24:00] How do you take this course? [26:15] Interested in becoming a Certified Rainbow Advocate? Randall offers information on how to apply. [28:10] Our three guests offer some final thoughts and insights on what you need to know about this program and why it’s so useful in today’s world. RESOURCES: Iitap.com Randall on IITAP Stefanie on IITAP Certifiedrainbowadvocate.com Ccapp.us Kristina on LinkedIn QUOTES: “Oh my god, this is happening again. Dying alone, dying in isolation, being sick, and not knowing how you got it. It has a huge impact on people.” “Everybody’s so caught up on these body parts when transitioning, but there’s a transition of hair, clothes, everything. We are excited to put out proper terminology.” “This is not just another quick course in terms of how to recognize what these letters mean. It’s so much more than that. This is personal. Whoever takes this course can really benefit from that.”
Surviving HIV is Not Enough. People Living with HIV Need Ongoing Support.
31:18Jeff Berry and Derrick Mapp are both long-time survivors of HIV. They are advocates in their community and work for HIV organizations to help other persons living with HIV find normalcy in their lives. Their mission is to reduce the stigma of HIV. In this week’s episode, you’ll learn about Shanti Project and The Reunion Project, and how these organizations support and bring people together in the local community for deeper connection and love. TAKEAWAYS: [1:55] Jeff Berry shares that he has been living with HIV since 1989. He's been working in Chicago for different HIV awareness organizations throughout his career. [2:35] Derrick Map introduces himself as a long-time survivor living with HIV since 1995. He’s currently living in San Francisco and working for Shanti Project, an HIV organization. [3:25] Shanti project is a legacy HIV organization that started during the 70s. [4:35] What is the definition of long-term HIV survivor? [5:35] Just living and surviving is not enough. We must look back, reflect, and address the long-term issues that these marginalized groups are facing. [7:35]The impact of having to live with HIV and being told you are going to die soon affects anyone’s mental health. [8:15] Derrick talks about his experience at The Reunion Project. There are gaps within the HIV+ community. [12:10] The Reunion Project helps people who are still struggling. They created town halls that help community members connect with more people. [14:25] When people come together and share collective stories, it gives people another perspective of life and hope that they are not alone. [16:55] People are hungry for information, it's like an appetizer. The meal is where people come together to build connections with one another. [19:05] Being able to receive support as well as give support has been vital. [20:40] Long-time survivors are often silent about their experience and what they are feeling or going through. [23:35] The trauma of an HIV diagnosis today is likely not at the same level as survivors who have lived with this disease for more than 20 years. [25:55] How do we expand and keep being responsive to the community that we are committed to? [26:45] In California, the governor is signing the HIV and AGING act. What does this mean for the community? RESOURCES: https://www.tpan.com/reunion-project Shanti.org Tpan.com Jeff Berry on Twitter Derrick Mapp on LinkedIn The Reunion Project on Twitter The Reunion Project on Facebook Email [email protected] QUOTES: “Anyone who has self-identified as a longtime survivor is in fact a long-time survivor.” “People are hungry for information, it's almost like an appetizer that opens to the meal. The meal is the connection that people get with one another.“ “The wounded healers are out there doing the work but are also a part of the work.”
Connecting with Your Body in Chemsex Recovery
30:16Adam Nathan Schultz is a massage therapist, yoga teacher, endurance running, and former chemsex user. Christopher Tearno is a nurse practitioner who has clinical experience with infectious diseases. Today, our two guests talk about the importance of connection to the body and rediscovering what your body -really- feels like after the use of drugs. Many providers focus just on thoughts and feelings but listening to and taking care of our bodies will deepen recovery and reduce risk of relapse. TAKEAWAYS: [2:35] Christopher shares how he got involved in this field. [6:10] How did Adam get into this field? [8:55] Adam tried everything to find his path to recovery. [12:00] Christopher has seen that the sexual desires often get missed when trying to approach recovery. [13:20] Why do people relapse? Christopher shares his experiences. [16:45] You have to address all areas of someone’s life if you want to see recovery, and that includes their relationship with sex and addiction. [17:10] Adam is a trauma survivor and has struggled with his own trauma for many years. [19:30] How do you have a successful recovery? [22:45] Adam tries to create ‘impatience’ within his classes to help his students practice being present. [27:00] Connecting with your body is a much more sustainable way to recover from chemsex use. RESOURCES: Bodyquake.nl Breathing space yoga Email Christopher: [email protected] QUOTES: “I remember seeing those really scary ads on the bus stop. The tweaker ads with the crazy photos. It was just a big scare tactic.” “You need to get past seeing someone as a patient, and seeing them as a person.” “You just need to get clean and sober, and then the sex will take care of itself. It didn’t.” “We seek pleasure to mask the pain.”
ADHD and Its Connection to Addiction with Todd Love
29:21Todd Love is a therapist and counselor, who was previously a DUI Defense Attorney and in the IT sector. He specializes in ADHD, addiction recovery, and more. As someone who has ADHD himself, Todd understands that it can be a particularly lethal combo to have ADHD and an addiction. Find out more about some of the symptoms of ADHD and how it ties into addiction in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:35] How did Todd get his start as a counselor? [4:15] A little bit of insight into ADHD and how it’s diagnosed. [7:45] What is the relationship between ADHD and addiction? [10:15] Todd shares some stats about children with ADHD and its connection to addiction later in adult life. [11:35] Cannabis users combined with ADHD struggle with motivation and keeping their life on track. [16:00] Are people self-medicating to try to bring their lives back into focus? [19:40] Is Adderall a good ‘study’ drug? The research says no. [20:35] How can someone determine whether they have ADHD? [22:50] Are there ADHD medications out there that are helpful? [23:20] Enough sleep is key to helping build regularity in your routines, and to your ADHD. [26:30] What are the effects of some of these drugs on children? RESOURCES: Doctoddlove.com Nyulangone.org/files/psych_adhd_checklist_0.pdf QUOTES: “What is addiction? Impulsivity, inability to delay gratification, novelty-seeking, and you can overlay that completely with ADHD.” “The research has shown that 15-25% of adults and 50-60% with substance use disorder have ADHD. I think that’s an outdated statistic. I’m hearing 50% of adults in treatment programs are there with undiagnosed ADHD.” “ADHD stimulant medications are the safest medicine in psychiatry, and in some ways, overall.” “ADHD is particularly responsive to interruptions in sleep.”
Pandemic, Relapses, and How We Can Improve Online Recovery Support with Dean Buckley
30:38Dean Buckley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Candidate focusing on sex addiction, intimacy disorders, substance abuse, and healthy sex. Dean shares what kind of things he’s been seeing lately when it comes to his clients and navigating the pandemic. A lot of people have relapsed due to Covid and Dean explores better ways to support people in need and their recovery journey in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] We are unfortunately seeing a lot of relapses happening during Covid. [2:45] What has Dean been seeing currently with people’s mental health and addiction? [5:00] It’s very hard to separate your addiction from work life. [6:00] One would expect alcohol rates to be less with the bars closed, but it’s not. [7:10] What have been the differences in the east coast vs. west coast when it comes to drugs, addiction, and relapse during the pandemic? [9:00] People are losing the in-person connection and accountability. Online meetings just don’t have the same impact. [13:15] Dr. David has recognized that his emotional bandwidth is a lot shorter now with everything going on. Dean also agrees. [18:05] Dean has lost a couple of people this year and there has not been enough opportunity to gather and grieve with your community. [19:25] Reach out to somebody every day. One call saves two lives. [22:25] Despite how awful the pandemic has been, there have been some blessings. [24:55] What advice does Dean have for the LGBTQ community? [27:25] Final words of wisdom with Dean on how to survive this marathon of a pandemic. RESOURCES: Deanreedbuckley.com QUOTES: “It’s so hard to separate your addiction from work life when you’re sitting at home in front of screens, which are hugely triggering for a lot of people.” “There’s a lot of resistance to going online. Zoom meetings just don’t have the same impact for them.” “Addiction is isolation and sobriety is community. We’ve seen that in action with this great social experiment.” “We may not go back to the way we functioned before, so working with a therapist online is not a bad substitute.”
From Supporting Recovery to Gender Transition: The Importance of Nutrition in the LGBTQ Community with Lulu Cook
33:00Lulu Cook is a dietitian, counselor, and nutrition therapist. When one of her loved ones identified as transgender and began to transition, she looked high and wide to find food resources to help them through their journey and better fuel their body. She couldn’t find any information! Today, Lulu educates how the LGBTQ community is underserved in this area and some of the food concerns you need to think about if you’re in recovery or transitioning into a new body. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] Are the nutritional/food needs of the LGBTQ community really that much different from the hetero community? [5:30] Disordered eating and body dissatisfaction are huge in lesbian, gay, and trans populations. [6:15] Gay men struggle with aging. They often feel invisible as they get older. [8:55] The overall message you get as an LGBTQ member is that you’re not normal, and that’s not okay. [9:40] When it comes to drug addiction and recovery, Lulu shares some of the challenges people might be facing when it comes to getting the right nutrients. [14:45] What foods should you be eating when you’re in recovery? [20:15] How can we speed up the healing of the dopamine receptors? [23:15] Lulu couldn’t find any information about diet and nutrition for trans people undergoing a transition. However, she sheds some light into what health risks you need to think about when undergoing hormonal therapy. [26:35] Unfortunately there’s still a lack of research on the health risks of hormonal therapy. [27:30] What’s Lulu’s latest book about? [29:45] Interested in queer health? Please consider signing up for a study conducted by the University of California at San Francisco. RESOURCES: Lulucook.com Pridestudy.org QUOTES: “When our dopamine receptors are inpaired due to substances, it impairs our ability to assess hunger and the reward value we get from eating.” “Some of the side effects of hormonal therapy are changes of body composition, weight gain, blood lipid values, bone composition is also likely to change.” “Trans men, F to M, are likely to have increased risks for lipid values/blood fat values, higher risks for cardiovascular disease, hypertension and type 2 diabetes.” “Trans women, M to F, who are on estrogen therapy, have higher risks of different kinds of embolisms and strokes, as well as high hypertension and type 2 diabetes.”
Don’t Throw Away Your Unused Meds! Donate Them Instead with Jesus Aguais
29:49Jesus Aguais Founded Aid for AIDS International with the idea of collecting unused and unexpired HIV medication and sending it to HIV+ people in low-income countries who do not have access to these medications. Originally from Venezuela, Jesus moved to New York City in 1989 and has been involved in AIDS advocacy groups since then. Today, he shares what his organization is doing to help our brothers and sisters outside of the U.S. who have no voice. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] What is Aid for AIDS about? [6:35] Jesus’s story is a powerful reminder that one person can make a difference. [11:10] Jesus not only is collecting excess HIV medication and sending it abroad to low income countries, but he's now started to do it for cancer medicine as well. [12:45] Yes, we are lucky to live in the United States, but we’re part of a larger community. [18:45] A woman living with HIV in Egypt has no voice. The same is true with a gay man living with HIV in Guatemala. So many countries still have stigma that you have HIV because you’re a sinner. [19:30] It’s just as important to give support to these people so that they can heal from social stigma. They’re not bad people. They’re good people who deserve love. [22:00] Jesus shares how his program has impacted and benefitted highschoolers. It was deployed in 8 Latin American countries and it reached over a million youth. [24:10] Aid for AIDS is the number one provider of HIV medicines to migrants in Colombia. [27:25] How can you help? If you have unused, unexpired medicine, please donate it to Aid for AIDS. RESOURCES: Aidforaids.org QUOTES: “It goes beyond providing HIV meds, what is important is working on helping that person heal themself, finding tools to know that they’re loving human beings. They’re just a victim of a false belief system.” “There’s almost 5 million Venezuelan refugees in Latin America, so we provide services for them. We are the number one provider of HIV medicine to migrants in Colombia.” “Every bottle of medicine will save somebody’s life in a low-income country around the world.” “We have so many things here in the US that we don’t know that bottle of medicine, someone is dying someplace in the world because they don’t have it. You will save somebody’s life.”
All Your Inner Child Wants is Comfort — Eddie Capparucci
29:40Eddie Capparucci specializes in treating sexual and pornography addictions and is also the author of the new book, “Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction.” In this episode, Eddie explains the 9 inner children a lot of men face, some of the common triggers, what to do when your inner child comes up, and how to make changes for the better. TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] A little bit about Eddie and the work that he does. [2:55] What is the Inner Child Recovery process all about? [5:40] When you understand why sex has a stronghold in your life, you become empowered to make a change. [8:05] Eddie shares an example of how certain events can trigger your inner child. [11:35] There are 9 different types of inner children. [17:15] For a lot of men, understanding their inner child unlocks a lot of understanding that other therapists could not help them with. [19:25] Now that you know what your inner child is, what do you do when it becomes activated? [24:25] The key to all of this insight is mindfulness. What does that look like? RESOURCES: Abundantlifecounselingga.com QUOTES: “The inner child only wants one thing. Only one thing. Comfort. For the men I work with, that comfort they found in sexual activity.” “The child is stuck in this time warp where he is running just based on emotional thinking.” “When I become mindful and am able to recognize what’s going on around me, how can I help those who I love, then we wind up growing. That’s growth.” “I need my clients to be mindful because I need them to be aware of their triggers that happen, but also be mindful of the fact it’s not all about them.”
You’re NOT Damaged Goods! — Mark Anthony Lord
28:04Mark Anthony Lord is a spiritual teacher and helps the LGBTQ community get in touch with their spiritual side. As a gay man, Mark Anthony was told all his life that he was unloveable and that God hated him. However, Mark Anthony decided he wasn’t going to let that narrative control him anymore. He wanted to be connected to a higher power, he wanted to be spiritual, which is why he decided to redefine his relationship with God. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Mark Anthony and the work that he does. [3:25] Mark Anthony is a gay man with a spiritual and religious background and understands the struggles the gay community has with God and religion. [5:05] Mark Anthony was 25 when he ended up in a private treatment center in Canada. [6:30] Mark Anthony spent years re-defining his relationship with God. [9:25] If you want a spiritual life, it’s absolutely available to you. It can be very personal to you. [11:40] If you’re not connected with your own spirit or yourself, how can you be connected with others? [13:35] What happens if you believe you’re damaged goods? [17:50] Mark Anthony offers some self-care tips to help you break out of this ‘damaged goods’ thinking. [20:05] Forgiveness is very misunderstood. [23:50] Just like you don’t just go to the gym once and forget about it once, the same applies to forgiveness. RESOURCES: Markanthonylord.me Mark Anthony on Instagram QUOTES: “We can’t turn to God for love and support because the one I was told about didn’t want me and didn’t like me.” “My spirituality made me face [my damaged goods narrative] and go, is that true? Hell no!” "There is so much pain around forgiveness and one of the things is we think we’re the ones that do it.” “Your higher power’s job is to make forgiveness happen and your job is to activate it and keep practicing it.”