46: I’m Not The One That Needs To Change

First things first, let’s celebrate the success of the July 2020 Relationship Breakthrough Retreat. This was the first RBR we did online. We reached so many more people than past in-person breakthrough retreats. We delivered multiple breakthroughs, and we were so happy to see people achieve great results.We are reimagining several of our programs to better serve you and we have several releases coming out this fall. One of them is the Relationship Development Parenting Program. It has three courses for you in the program - the 14-day boost program, the quick start program, and the yearlong program.With that said, we’ve retired the 2nd edition of the Relationship Breakthrough Quickstart Program. We are also creating a brand new Relationship Breakthrough Program that will be launching on September 23rd. We are so excited about this because the new program is completely reimagined with some awesome new features. The other huge announcement we want to make is that we will be holding, for the first time ever, a 2nd Relationship Breakthrough Retreat in a year in December. We’ve always wanted to hold two RBR events in a year and it is unbelievable that this year we’ll finally be able to do that.Key TakeawaysCelebrating the success of the July 2020 Relationship Breakthrough Retreat (02:45)Reimagining several of our programs to better serve you (07:07)The exciting new Relationship Development Parenting Program (07:34)How to get the RD Parenting Boost Program as a bonus (13:24)Retiring the 2nd edition of the Relationship Breakthrough Quickstart Program and creating a new Quickstart Program (15:58)Holding a 2nd Relationship Breakthrough Retreat in a year for the first time ever in December (23:17)Taking  our Relationship Development Methodology to as many families as we can (39:32)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will share a talk that they recently had with their Relationship U students on what is going on in real life today behind closed doors when couples and families are stuck together because of the COVID-19 related self-quarantining. Paul and Stacey have been working very hard in sharing amazing tools and strategies on what people can do to avoid kerfuffles and all sorts of negative issues in their households, but it’s very hard for anyone to really tell just how effective they are. So they decided to share the raw, vulnerable, and real life testimonies of families that are successfully implementing those tools and strategies.One such testimony came from Joe and Adriana, a couple that has really benefited immensely from Paul and Stacey’s programs. The two have been married for 33 years, are empty nesters, and have been navigating the quarantine together so well despite the fact that a few years ago they could not even be in the same room together for even a few minutes. They’ve been having meals together, going out for walks every day, watching shows or plays, and doing many other fun things together. They had previously been separated for a year and a half, but finding Paul and Stacey’s programs changed everything, and now they are a true testament to just how effective Paul and Stacey’s tools and strategies are. Denise is another person who will share how the Relationship U program has changed her life in terms of teaching her to get deeper into the ownership of her happiness, and knowing that no matter what happens in the world, she’s responsible for her own happiness and needs in life. There are several other people who will share how relationship development has changed their lives, especially during the current pandemic where people are stuck together in their homes with each other. Tune in to find out how you can transform your own household and navigate this quarantine time in the best way possible.Key Points Discussed: How Joe and Adriana are navigating being together in the quarantine (01:33)How Paul and Stacey’s programs can make people better versions of themselves (03:34)Working on our happiness and needs before we can work on our relationships  (04:28)The true power of relationship development (08:25)The most appropriate time to practically apply the tools and strategies (11:08)Becoming the change that you want to see in your relationships (15:55)Taking a stand for your family so you can create a better legacy (18:53)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Stacey will share part two of her talk on how couples (and parents) can maintain their sanity during these social distancing and self-quarantining times. She will talk about what she sees as two of the most common causes of kerfuffles that are going on right now and how to solve that, and how to deal with the effects of the current pandemic on our lives. She will also dive into how to look at everything that’s going on in a way that's empowering, as opposed to feeling like it’s all just happening to us.One of the things one must get rid of is unreasonable expectations and control. We must all drop a lot of our levels of control right now because our desire to want things to be a certain way will only lead to misery for us and others around us. One cannot control everybody else but they can set reasonable standards for others to follow when it comes to basic things in life. When something is complicated and out of one’s control, one should just let go of it. A great example of that is homeschooling. People have certain invisible expectations about what it should be like, but what they don’t realize is that it’s a full-time job, takes a lot of commitment, and is very stressful. Stacey will share her insights on how to really go about that and so much more, so stay tuned to learn how you can navigate this from the same place, increase the peace and harmony in your home, and decrease the kerfuffles. Key Points Discussed: Letting go of unreasonable expectations and certain levels of control (01:34)The difference between homeschooling and online schooling (04:01)The stress of trying to replace a teacher and give your kids the same learning experience they get at school (06:34)The temporary nature of more screen time for your kids during these challenging times (10:55)Using time chunks to focus on what’s important (14:21)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Stacey will talk about how couples can maintain their sanity during these social distancing and self-quarantining times where parents have to be at home all day every day with their kids. She recently did training with their RelationshipU students on the same subject and it had immediate phenomenal results for those who applied the tools and strategies they learned in their households. Right now families are having a hard time being quarantined at home, and parents are having to navigate things that they’re not used to navigating. That is making frustrations and kerfuffles arise much more frequently and it’s causing more harm than good.Parents always have an uphill task of raising their kids while also working and making sure everything runs smoothly, and a lot of the times they take on too many things at the same time because they feel it’s their responsibility to do so. Running a household, for example, is a full-time job all on its own, and it can be quite taxing. Especially if the parent responsible also has to work a regular job to make ends meet. The first step to gaining some sanity is to look at all the things one takes on every day and dropping those that can be done by someone else. Stacey will talk about living a life in reaction and living a life by design, and how living a life by design is the only way to regain sanity, joy, and happiness in any household during these difficult times. Stay tuned as she shares some tools and strategies for reducing kerfuffles and increasing harmony during the current quarantine (and any other time you and your family find yourselves stuck together) to help you navigate everything as best as possible.Key Points Discussed: The importance of being reasonable about what can and cannot be done simultaneously (03:31)The frustrations of not being able to escape the craziness-relief pattern (06:38)The great opportunity the self-quarantine is creating (08:44)How to create sanity and predictability in your days (09:43)Creating a plan of how you're all going to operate together as a team (11:10)How time chunking can help in doing things more effectively and harmoniously (12:10)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Stacey will share a recording that she made to talk about pivoting instead of canceling their Breakthrough in Paradise live event in Jamaica. She will talk about the decision that they made to pivot the event, what they will be doing instead, and how they made that decision in confidence and not fear. The live event was planned for next week, and Paul, Stacey, and 120 of their relationship students were going to Jamaica. They were all so desperate to get to that event and have an amazing time together on the islands, but it was not to be because with the whole Coronavirus pandemic going on, international travel was not so safe, and they wanted to ensure that their students were safe and protected. Despite that hiccup, they did not cancel the event and instead decided to pivot it and do it virtually. Stay tuned as she also shares how her and their team are working tirelessly to make the virtual event a reality, and hopefully, this episode will teach you how to make decisions in uncertain times in every aspect of your life. Enjoy!Key Points Discussed: Pivoting the five days unbelievable Breakthrough in Paradise live event (01:30)Decisions based on fear are always bad decisions (03:02)From live event to virtual event to keep the ball rolling (06:02)The need for all of us to give and support each other during this time (08:12)Teaching people how to reverse the kerfuffles in their households and increase harmony during this time of increased stress (10:59)Looking at the facts and what’s going on, and making decisions based on that (14:33)Being cautious, careful and smart, and avoiding crowded places (16:45)The foundation of demand relationship that pulls people apart (18:50)Don't do decisions based out of fear unless you want the boomerang (23:20)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a common point of view that most people in a relationship have that negatively affects their relationships without their knowing. And that is the view that they have something figured out more than their partner and so they have to get their partner to subscribe to it too so their relationship can become better. That’s a common thing that Paul and Stacey hear from their program participants all the time. One particular relationship transformer who was doing the 14-Day Boost Program posted on the relationship transformers Facebook group about how she loved the program module on alignment, especially where they were learning about how to get to the win-win, instead of staying stuck in the win-lose. She felt that it was a great module for her husband to learn from, but she needed advice on how to make him listen to it. That’s a great example of that detrimental point of view and Paul and Stacey will seek to deal with it in this episode.It’s part of our natural wiring to think that way because it comes from the demand relationship wiring that is just so deep in our blueprint, and we must learn to shift away from it by first realizing that there is no “me and you” in a relationship. Partners in a relationship are one, and if one partner loses in any way, then the other one loses too. Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey lay out all the steps you will need to take to build a win-win relationship with your partner.Key Points Discussed: How to get to the win-win instead of staying stuck in the win-lose (01:02)There’s no “You and Me” in a relationship, it can only be “Us” (02:53)It’s always win-win or lose-lose in a relationship (03:46)Extending the end of our skill set so we can learn how to wrap up something in a way that our partner can receive it (04:41)Building a rock solid relationship and focusing on the tools and strategies that can help us take our families to the next level (06:54)Stop telling yourself that you’re not the one in the relationship who needs to do that thing (10:51)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a dynamic where someone in a relationship gets stuck in the false belief that their way is the right way and that their partner’s way is all wrong. The issue between a couple could be just about anything, but with this dynamic, one partner feels that their way of solving the issue or their perspective on the issue is the correct one while their partner’s is not, and so they feel that they must make their partner see their way and agree to it. Paul and Stacey see this dynamic all the time among couples, and it sucks the energy out of people, causes kerfuffles, doesn’t solve anything, and in the end completely breaks down a relationship.A great example of that dynamic is with Susan, one of Paul and Stacey’s students. Susan and her husband Daniel were at loggerheads with each other over their parenting styles. Daniel preferred a disciplinary approach with their kids while Susan was trying to implement a relationship development parenting kind of approach. This made them go head to head all the time, with each being frustrated with the other because they were both trying to convince each other to go with each other's approach.This dynamic is very destructive, but it’s not anyone’s fault because it’s deeply wired into our blueprints. Most people have been conditioned to think that they must always convince others to see things from their perspective, and this is what Paul and Stacey will seek to help us break away from before they can give us the relationship development tools we need to move forward in the best way possible. If you’re familiar with that dynamic and you wanna learn how to make it a thing of the past in your relationship or marriage, then listen in to this episode.Key Points Discussed: Missing everything by holding on to the “my way” belief (00:59)Breaking the pattern first before learning the relationship development parenting tools (04:42)Being raised in the conformity mindset and how it affects us (05:20)Everybody has a reason for why they believe what they believe (07:14)Understanding that we can’t just have our way because we live within a family setting (13:10)Solving your own trigger so you can start collaborating with your partner (17:02)Would you rather have some fears and emotional worries, or the real collaboration that you're looking for? (19:44)Catch yourself, listen with curiosity, and up-level your skill set (23:55)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about a very common complaint that they get from women about how their husbands are too blunt and mean in their conversations, and how that triggers or embarrasses them. Stacey will share the story of one of their relationship transformers who asked them what she should have done when she asked her husband if she could take a certification class for her work, but he responded in a rude way. The lady felt her husband was an ass and treated her like crap, which she didn’t deserve.The root cause of such an issue is the fact that masculine and feminine perspectives are worlds apart. For the feminine, when a man speaks in very blunt and direct language, a woman feels like the man has made his decision, and she either has to go by it or against it. But in reality, what happens in such a situation is all a misunderstanding of how the masculine is wired. If the woman in that situation gets a similar response from another woman, she wouldn’t find it mean or rude. The same applies when men talk to other men. When a man asks another man for his opinion on a subject, he gets a very blunt and direct response because it’s in men’s nature not to sugarcoat things, and they understand each other in that regard. They are wired to be logical and assertive when tackling issues. So really, the best way to deal with such situations is to understand how other people are wired, and interact with them in a way that brings out the best in them, instead of assuming everybody's wired like us and interacting blindly, which then triggers the other person. Paul and Stacey will talk about that farther, and tell us where we can start in implementing that solution, so we can start experiencing kerfuffle free interactions with our loved ones.Key Points Discussed: The common misunderstanding that takes place of how the masculine is wired, and how the masculine communicates (02:11)The huge difference between masculine to masculine versus masculine to feminine (05:54)The relationship dynamics that are happening to everyone (10:50)Stopping when you're in the win-lose is what makes it a win-lose, not what he says (13:00)The importance of understanding the other side so that whatever you say back comes out in a way that it can be received well (14:31)Being nothing but who we really are in order to be successful in our relationships (18:45)It’s all about getting a relationship education instead of becoming a different person (20:03)Stop applying your meanings to what your partner is saying, it's your meanings that are causing you pain (24:15)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will talk about the invisible expectations that women have of their partners and the harm they cause their relationships. They will start off by sharing a story from a long time ago of how Stacey ruined their Valentine’s Day. Paul had told Stacey that he would take her out to dinner for Valentine’s when he got back from work, and she was so excited about it. She got a nice new outfit and was expecting Paul to send her a large bouquet of flowers to her office. So every time a truck drove down the street, she would think it was her delivery. As time went by, and she hadn’t gotten any deliveries, she started thinking that maybe Paul was planning to bring the flowers himself, but when he finally got there, all he had for her was a single red rose. Stacey didn’t express any disappointment to his face, but deep down she couldn’t believe that Paul had just given her a single red rose for Valentine’s. She then started thinking to herself that maybe Paul would make up for that by taking her to some really magical place for dinner, but to her shock, Paul took her to a restaurant they were both familiar with, and he had not made any reservations. It was Valentine’s so the place was packed, and thus they didn’t get a table. They went to two more places and still couldn’t get a table, so they just got take out (Chinese food) and went home.At that point, Stacey was so grumbly and unhappy with the way the night had turned out, and at some point Paul asked her why she was so upset when all he was doing all night was trying to make things nice for her. To him, everything was alright, and he was just doing his best to show Stacey that he loved her, and give her a great Valentine’s experience. This story highlights the root cause of the problems brought about by women’s invisible expectations, and it all boils down to the differences in the feminine and the masculine. Stay tuned as Paul and Stacey dive deeper into that and share the best action steps to take to ensure that the problems caused by invisible expectations will be a thing of the past in your relationship. Key Points Discussed: The time when Stacey used to ruin all the holidays (01:13)Masculine energy is usually a single focus so men don’t really plan ahead far enough (07:46)The harm carrying invisible expectations causes relationships (14:03)Ladies should give their men the answers to the test (17:03)He wants nothing more than to light her up (21:22)Taking personal responsibility and committing to not getting triggered (26:22)Additional Resources:The 14-Day Boost Programwww.MyRelationshipDevelopmentCommunity.comwww.RelationshipBreakthroughRetreat.com-Ready for the next Relationship Breakthrough Retreat?Click here to get your ticket now!-You can find this episode and more at:MartinoPodcast.com-Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

In this episode, Paul and Stacey will cover part three of busting the myths series, and talk about the “But my partner is …” myths, which are all about how one partner thinks that their partner is keeping them from having their desired relationship because they behave a certain way.Key Points Discussed:Depressed spouses and the dangers of labeling (00:52)Everyone changes at different points in life for various reasons (02:53)Whatever comes after the statement “I am” is super powerful (06:31)Showing up differently in your relationship for your partner (09:05)Anxiety is just a pattern (12:03)The masculine dynamic wired into a man’s blueprint (15:19)The widespread misuse of the word abusive (18:27)Physical abuse is not a relationship issue (20:04)Everyone has a unique brilliance (24:49)Additional Resources:Daily Inspiration for Relationship TransformersYou can find this episode and more at:RelationshipDevelopment.org/listenSubscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher or anywhere else you listen to your podcasts.If you haven't already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!