Sex in the Time of Covid (& Beyond) w/ Dan Savage

For Go Ask Ali’s Season 3 finale Ali is joined by her bestie, actress and philanthropist Mariska Hargitay, and the “best known life coach in America” (NPR, USA Today) Martha Beck. The three ladies just have a little chat about wisdom, courage, truth, integrity, love, abandonment and aging. No biggie, just everything. Oh, and masturbation. If you have questions or guest suggestions for next season of Go Ask Ali, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) Links of Interest: Martha Beck Official Website Martha’s Latest Book: The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self Joyful Heart Foundation Mariska Hargitay’s Foundation End the Backlog Joyful Heart Initiative CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People are talking about menopause everywhere these days, which is incredible since our mothers and grandmothers and their mothers NEVER did! Women’s thirst for answers and community has exploded so our guests are right on time. Naomi Watts has created a menopause brand that educates, offers support as well as some useful products to help with, you know, all the places. Then UK menopause expert Pat Duckworth is spreading her message of menopause in the workplace from across the pond. Women have had to fight for maternity leave and equal pay, now she says it’s time to stand up for ourselves when we need healthcare support at the height of our careers. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for Ali and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20th, 2023! Links of Interest: Naomi Watts Company Website: Stripes Pat Duckworth Website: Pat Duckworth Book: Menopause: Mind the Gap - The Value of Supporting Women’s Wellness in the Workplace Pat Recommends MenoClarity: How to Sleep Better - Understanding Menopausal Insomnia (Blog) Menopause at Work in the News: UK Officials Address Menopause in the Workplace (SHRM) It’s Time to Start Talking About Menopause at Work (Harvard Business Review) How to Handle Menopause Symptoms While Working (New York Times) How Employers Can Support Menopausal Women at Work (Thomson Reuters) CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is it about the great outdoors? It’s joyful, liberating, powerful, calming and soulful all at once. It’s also healing. Ali finally gets to talk to her obsession, The Ebony Anglers, a powerhouse trailblazing group of Black fisherwomen about their experience with competitive deep sea fishing. Its foundation and summer camps, Black Girls Fish and Black Boys Boat were created to make sure all kids have access to nature’s healing powers. Bonus, the ladies share #BreakingNews with Ali! And then Ali connects with her clamming soul sister New York Times food column writer Melissa Clark about their clamming and foraging addiction. It sounds like hunting and gathering, fishing and foraging, being outside and in nature feeds our primal souls.  If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for Ali and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20th, 2023! Links of Interest: Ebony Anglers Ebony Anglers on YouTube Ebony Anglers on Instagram Oysters in the Form of a CSA (New York Times) Melissa Clark on Instagram Melissa Clark Food Column, A Good Appetite  (New York Times)  Melissa Clark, Cooking With the Three Sisters (New York Times column with clamming) How to Shuck an Oyster CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Narcissism lives in all of us to some degree as on a spectrum. And it’s easy to see how having even a tinge of narcissism could have been a valuable survival tool over the ages. But like with everything, there is a limit to what is healthy and what is toxic. Psychologist and author of Rethinking Narcissism Dr. Craig Malkin talks about the extroverted narcissist, i.e. “the narcissist we all know and loathe”, but says there are others. And like with most things there is an equal and opposite thing that compliments it. Meet the narcissist and its foil, the echoist. A match made in heaven? Not even close. Malkin describes his echoist relationship with his narcissist mother, the barriers people have to getting out of toxic relationships, the importance of anger and how a certain medication can help - if the narcissist actually thinks they need it. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Dr. Craig Malkin Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists Instagram  YouTube The Communal Narcissist: A New Kind of Narcissist? (Psychology Today) The Most Narcissistic U.S. Presidents (Pew Research, 2013) Malignant Narcissism: Does the President Have it? (Psychology Today, 2020) CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ACEs, or adverse childhood experiences, are the single greatest unaddressed public health threat today, according to our esteemed guest former Surgeon General of California Dr. Nadine Burke Harris. She has been the tireless voice educating the world on ACEs and the biological effects they have over the course of a person’s lifetime. Any adult may have heart disease, migraines, depression, or diabetes, sure, but there is a good chance that these chronic illnesses were caused by trauma or severe adversity experienced as a kid. Ali and Dr. Burke Harris discuss how childhood stress literally changes our biology, the consequences, variables and interventions to help kids. And what about us, the adults; is there still hope for us to heal from our past? Her 2014 TED talk, “How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime” has been viewed nearly 11 million times. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Dr. Nadine Burke Harris book: The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Trauma and Adversity Dr. Nadine Burke Harris:  TED Talk  The Center for Youth Wellness Number Story : A great resource, especially for parents (including a video conversation with Oprah)  Centers for Disease Control - ACEs Twitter: @DrBurkeHarris Instagram: @DrBurkeHarris Further Reading: What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing (by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey) CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It seems most people feel obligated to cringe or shut down when the thought of the inevitable surfaces. But the simple fact exists that we will all leave this life at some point. Ali talks with Valoria Walker and Lauren Lyster-Mensh who are trained as end-of-life doulas, people who shepherd the dying and their loved ones through the often difficult, emotional, complicated process. They serve as non-medical advocates and holistic supporters of the person passing. Valoria and Laura talk about their experiences, the death positivity movement, death cafes and how we can all start planning for and normalizing conversations about death. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Washington Post Article with Laura and Valoria Death Doula Days at Historic Congressional Cemetery Doula by Destiny (Valoria Walker) Valoria in Oprah Daily INELDA: International End-of-Life Doula Association Death Doulas Used to Be Rare. The COVID-19 Pandemic Changed That (Time Magazine) How the Death Positive Movement Is Coming to Life Death Cafes Spread Rapidly Around the World (Healthnews) Death Cafe on Facebook 10 Best Books on Death and Dying (according to UpJourney) Credits: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Actress, writer and former supermodel Paulina Porizkova has been trying to date and, well, it’s even hard for her. No matter who you are or where you’ve been, the middle age dating scene is unfortunately no feast of riches. It’s actually, she says, more like a lunch buffet right before it gets closed down and everything is cold and dry. Ouch. But her outlook has gotten better and the main thing that changed it is her relationship with herself. She says writing her memoir No Filter (which touches on aging, beauty, heartbreak and grief) helped her reconnect to the most important relationship of all. And Ali answers a listener’s question. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Paulina’s Newest Book: No Filter: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful Credits: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pornography has been the primary blame for many relationship problems. Fingers get pointed. Feelings get hurt. Doors get slammed. Psychologist and sex therapist David Ley, PhD believes pornography gets the blame because it is the “big, sexy, shiny object” that grabs the focus when a relationship is feeling bumpy. Ley says pornography is really just a symptom of other underlying issues that are not being discussed. In fact, he says pornography can be a great resource that can introduce novelty and new ideas to a couple’s sexy life if it’s viewed together. He and Ali also talk about why men seem to use it so much, the importance of communication and, hot tip, there is feminist porn out there. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Dr. David Ley Instagram Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure Is Watching Porn Right for You (Psychology Today) A Beginner’s Guide to Watching Feminist Porn (Vice) The Top Ethical Porn Sites that Are Inclusive and Empowering (Glamour UK) Common Sense About the Effects of Pornography (Psychology Today) Porn Addiction  Credits: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mind control, undue influence, brainwashing - that all sounds like some Hollywood fiction fantasy. But cult expert Dr. Steven Hassan says these are real and anybody could fall into the culty traps. He shares his personal story from the 70’s when he found himself dropping out of college, emptying his bank account and being trained to kill. His trap, he says, is that he thought he was too smart to fall for cult stuff. In fact, “cults” are everywhere - some harmful and some aren’t so much, but they all share elements. If you ever thought that yoga “guru”, invasive company, tight social club or even romantic partner has an awful lot of influence...maybe you’re right. In fact, Hassan says we are living in an age of influence and most of it is digital. If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: Hassan Website: Freedom of Mind Resource Center Hassan Podcast: The Influence Continuum   Hassan Books The “Cult” at Sarah Lawrence College (The Cut, 1/23) Who  George Soros? “The Family” Book and Documentary The Rod of Iron Ministries (The Tennessean) (Rolling Stone) (SPLC) Chinese Communist Brainwashing Techniques (WNYC, Archival Audio) Credits: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Content Warning: adolescent suicide and ideation are briefly discussed Dr. Lisa Damour returns to Go Ask Ali to share her new book The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, Compassionate Adolescents. She has written this book for parents and other caring adults to help teens when so many are struggling and there aren’t enough therapists to go around. She dispels myths about their powerful emotions and offers clarity on what they want and why. She also addresses risk taking, curfews, intuition and safety, gender and race differences, the crucial importance of SLEEP, and one of the most polarizing issues around raising teens - to track or not to track? And if you’ve wondered why your teen suddenly wants to talk right as you’re about to fall asleep, you’re not alone (and she knows)! If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) **Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023! Links of Interest: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - dial or text 988 (formerly The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) CDC Study on Teen Mental Health During Pandemic Book: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, Compassionate Adolescents Lisa’s previous episode: Under Pressure w/ Dr. Lisa Damour (11/12/20) Credits: Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell Associate Producer: Akiya McKnightSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.