#170 - The Friend Who Really Sees You (with Hannah Rosenberg)

This month’s friendship challenge is all about generosity, but not the kind that empties your wallet or the type that requires a special occasion like a birthday or holiday gift. Think thoughtfulness and the joy of letting friends know you're thinking of them for no reason whatsoever. It's generosity of time and spirit merely to show friends they matter to you.A small gesture can leave a big impact. In this short episode, I share a few stories of simple, meaningful gestures from friends that have stayed with me for years. Some of those gestures were in the form of an expected gift (like a novel or cookbook) and others were simply an offer to be there on an emotional day, sending a “this made me think of you” text, or sharing a photo or meme that made me smile. All the examples inspired me to do the same over the years.Doing something unexpected for a friend is the easiest challenge yet. Well, maybe writing your friends' birthdays in your calendar for April was even easier, but this one is up there.Whether you’re gifting a cookbook, sharing a poem, or sending a funny meme, this challenge is about reminding your friends that you’re thinking of them, not because you have to, but because you want to.AND, make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know what you did or plan to do. Let's share ideas!As always, if this episode made you smile or inspired you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or post it to your story. That small act of generosity fits the challenge perfectly. :)MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here. Episode 170: "The Friend Who Really Sees You." This was my conversation with poet Hannah Rosenberg about friendship and her book SameCookbooks mentioned: Robyn sent Peas, Love, & Carrots. Julie sent Vegan At Times.Find me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

"This made me think of you." Is there anything more delightful to hear from a friend? These are the words often written between friends when someone shares one of Hannah Rosenberg's (always viral!) poems from Instagram. And the incredible Hannah Rosenberg is my guest on Dear Nina. I was so excited to meet the woman behind the words I've been sharing in my own Instagram stories for years. Hannah is the author of the poetry collection, Same, from St. Martin's Press, and her work about friendship, motherhood, and everyday life has made thousands of people online say or write “same” in the comments or when they share her work.Together Hannah and I dive into what it actually means to feel seen, and how to make your friends feel seen. Hannah reads some of her most-shared friendship poems. There are tears (the good kind). And it’s a warm, genuine conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the friendships that quietly save us.Topics we cover:The meaning behind “Same” and how it became a viral poetry movementWhy adult friendship deserves real rituals and recognitionHow to bridge distance and stay close when life changesThe difference between being comforting and being dismissiveFriendship poems that say what we all feel but can’t quite expressPoems & passages mentioned“When I Needed My Friends” “Group Text”“Home (for Katie)”  “Marriage of Friends” MEET HANNAH ROSENBERG:Hannah Rosenberg is a poet whose work has been shared widely online, and she has been featured in publications serving women and parents like Darling and In Kind. She lives in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter, who often find themselves as the subjects of her poems. You can find her work on Instagram @hannahrowrites. Learn more at hannahrowrites.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Want a social gathering for making new friends or deepening friendships that’s not a book club, not mahjong, not a cooking club, not pickleball—just high-level, soul-filling conversation? Enter "the salon."Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, shows us exactly how to plan a modern salon: who to invite (and who not to), how to set a clear purpose, what to do about dominant talkers, and why ending well matters as much as beginning well.If this episode nudges you to start a salon, tell me how it goes. What did you try? What surprised you? What will you tweak next time? All the ways to find me are in the link below.What we coverWhat a salon is (and isn’t): an intentional, guided conversation on a themeWhy salons help friendship: they deepen bonds and create new ones by giving everyone structured airtime.Hosting with with authority and kindness: Linda-Marie and I talk timers, bells, and how to intervene when someone is taking over to make sure everyone in the group has a chance to participate.Designing the experience: purpose, people, place, ground rules, accessibility, potluck flow, parking and a thoughtful way close the evening.Trouble spots: late arrivals, phones on the table, oversharing, and the art of the one-on-one follow-up.A complete sample format of a salon you can lift for your first salon.MEET LINDA-MARIE BARRETT:Linda-Marie Barrett is a writer, editor, and executive director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA). Before that, she was at Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe, where she wore many hats, including events manager and founder and host of a book club that continues today, Women In Lively Discussion or WILD. She has been hosting her Black Swan Salon since 2017 and has no plans to ever stop. She lives with her husband, writer and blogger Jon Mayes, in Asheville, North Carolina. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ever feel like your friendships are trapped in the very general "how are you?" catch-up loop? Award-winning journalist Jonah Kaplan joins me to talk about moving from small talk to something more substantive that feeds connection. Jonah has spent two decades covering difficult stories for CBS and WCCO, and he’s learned that the best conversations—on camera or off—come from curiosity, empathy, and follow-up questions that go beyond the obvious.In a world of quick texts, busy schedules, and constant scrolling, it’s easy to keep friendships at the surface level. But the friendships that truly sustain us are the ones with depth. Related to the October friendship challenge for Dear Nina listeners, Jonah is an excellent guide for asking questions that bring conversations to another level.WE COVER:How to reframe small talk (try “What surprised you most about your trip?” instead of “How was it?”)Creating connection through conversation: don’t wait for invitations—initiateReading the room so vulnerability feels safe, not forcedWhy men need deeper conversations, tooHow honest conflict can make a friendship strongerThe power of mixed-age friendships to keep you growingWhat friendship and journalism have in commonMEET JONAH KAPLAN:Jonah Kaplan is an award-winning journalist (and the son of two rabbis!) who has built a strong reputation for his balanced reporting, thoughtful interviews, and deeply researched coverage of high-impact issues affecting the community. His work appears on all of WCCO's newscasts and is often featured on CBS News' programs and platforms, including the CBS Evening News, CBS Mornings and CBS 24/7. (See Jonah's full bio at cbsnews.com/team/jonah-kaplan/). Find him on Facebook or on 'X' at @JonahPKaplan.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

You're probably not asking your friends enough questions. This month’s Friendship Challenge is simple but powerful: ask your friends more questions. (Way more than you think you should.) Trust me, people notice when you're not asking questions.One of my most viral TikToks from last fall was when I talked about "the friend who never asks about you." It has over 90K views and over 400 comments. People had NEGATIVE feelings and lots to say about friends who don't ask questions. To help us all do better with asking questions, I discussed one chapter from a book I loved earlier this year called Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks.This month's challenge is about getting curious about your friends, deeply curious. Most of us think we ask plenty of questions, but research shows we don’t.To help you get started: Ask more questions than feels natural.Stick with follow-ups instead of jumping from topic to topic.Use what questions at first more than why to avoid being intrusive, but you can move to why eventually.Listen. Listening is how you know what follow-up questions to ask next.When you’re interested, you become interesting.And hey, as June’s challenge reminded us, it’s okay to ask for a favor. So here’s mine: Please share an episode with a friend (just maybe not THIS one if you’re trying to send a message as that's too passive-aggressive 😉).Find all the 2025 Friendship Challenges at DearNina.Substack.com.LINKS AND RESOURCES:2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewGreat book on the art of conversation! Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Alison Wood BrooksALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

A good apology can save a friendship; a bad one can torch it. And yes, our friends will mess up. As will we! That's why learning to say "I'm sorry" (and why!), accept an apology, and even ask for a better apology if the one you got was "off" are all important skills in maintaining and deepening your friendships.In this episode of Dear Nina, I spoke to author and journalist Marjorie Ingall, co-author with Susan McCarthy of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting to Sorry: The Art of Apology at Work and at Home) and co-creator of SorryWatch.com.Marjorie walks us through the six essential steps of a good apology and the “half step” people often forget. We discussed why bad apologies are worse than none at all, and how the timing of an apology can make or break it. Whether you’re struggling to say sorry, waiting for an apology that may never come, or wondering how to truly forgive, this conversation offers practical tools you can bring into your friendships right away.We also explore:The difference between guilt and shame, and how each affects friendships.Why accepting an apology can be just as challenging—and important—as giving one.When it’s okay (and even healthy) to ask for an apology you feel you’re owed.Why rushing to apologize can actually backfire.The power of letters—both to give an apology and to solicit one.How forgiveness (when possible) benefits not just the friendship, but your own health and peace of mind.We also touch on the Jewish High Holidays as a time of reflection and repair, how apologies evolve as we age, and what Marjorie's favorite children’s book, A Bargain for Frances, can teach all of us about navigating imperfect friendships. LINKS AND RESOURCES: The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom KippurEp. #34 of Dear Nina: Reconnecting with an Ex-FriendThe six steps of a good apology on sorrywatch.com"Waiting for an Apology That Will Never Come" (Nina's 2014 article on Kveller)A Bargain for Frances by Russell HobanMEET MARJORIE INGALLMarjorie Ingall is the co-author, with Susan McCarthy, of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting To Sorry) and co-creator of the apology watchdog site SorryWatch.com. She’s also the author of Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children. She often writes about children’s books for the New York Times Book Review and has written for many other magazines and newspapers, including Tablet and The Forward — she was a columnist for both — as well as Town & Country, Glamour, Self, Ms., Elle, New York, Time, and Newsweek. Back in the day, she was the senior writer and books editor at the late, lamented Sassy Magazine. Find Marjorie on Facebook and Bluesky.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Different choices, same friendships—if you’re willing to speak up.This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I talk with bestselling author Dani Alpert, who has always known she didn’t want children. While her five best friends all married and had kids, Dani carved out a different life. The result? Decades of navigating friendships where communication was extra necessary to keep resentment and misunderstanding at bay. Dani says it took a lot work, but she did not want to lose these important relationships and every hard discussion with close friends was worth the effort.Dani has advice for listeners that goes beyond whether you have kids or not. Many areas of life and the decisions we make can set us apart from the path our friends chose. No matter the "topic," communication and honesty is key. There's no other way to hold onto the friendships that matter to you. Whatever the difference is between you and your friends, Dani’s wisdom applies: speak up, be honest, and trust that the right friends will stick.Listen to my conversation with Dani for a funny, candid, and deeply relatable episode about friendship across different life paths.HIGHLIGHTS:The resentment that can build when your life path looks different from your friends’ choicesWhy it’s so important to actually say the uncomfortable things out loud to friendsHow true friends will hear you, even if your words come out messyThe loneliness that can creep in when “everybody” seems to be living a life you didn’t choose. For Dani the example is being child-free by choice, but this can apply to so many paths.Why naming your needs sooner (but also knowing it’s never too late) can save a friendshipWe also squeezed in a quick few minutes and doing art (writing, etc.) because you're passionate about it, not because you're expecting a certain outcome in sales or attention.MEET DANI ALPERT:Dani Alpert is the best-selling author of Hello? Who Is This? Margaret?—a new collection of humorous essays—and the memoir, The Girlfriend Mom, winner of the 2020 Story Circle Network Gilda Award for comedy, honoring Gilda Radner. Her work appears in numerous outlets. Dani spent decades working in theater, television, and film, performing, writing, and directing. She’s a Pilates instructress and advocate for the Down syndrome community. Dani’s first headshot was her mugshot taken after being arrested for tagging when she was a juvenile. She’s been trying to reclaim those glory days ever since. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

New parenthood can be isolating and full of unspoken (or spoken!) pressures. But those early years are not only about the challenges. There are opportunities too! For one, being at a drastically new stage of life is a common time for making friends who are going through similar experiences. I spoke to Alex Reed, a new-ish mom (at least compared to me--a mom for two decades), a tech-industry pro, and the creator behind Roses & Radicchio, an Instagram account and newsletter that celebrates connections that make life meaningful.Alex and I discussed: Practical ways to meet other momsWhy community is one of the most protective things for perinatal and postpartum mental healthStaying part of a community matters, even if your close friends do not come from these groups and activities. Acquaintances can become friends, connectors, or lifelines later (school, camps, emergencies).Using small, low-cost asks when you spot a potential new mom friend: “I’m going to the park tomorrow, want to join?” Short time windows might feel more doable.How to spot a new-mom-friend judgement issue early and stop the comparison cycleAccepting different parenting and new-parent socializing styles (turning outward for a bigger network vs turning inward to a small circle)The importance of keeping connections with friends who do not have kidsRemembering social media can amplify shame and false “shoulds”AND NOTE: If you’re struggling, community helps but professional support is so important. If you’re worried about postpartum depression or anxiety, seek help.This isn’t a “you must do X” to make new mom friends conversation. This is all about advice and empathy for a potentially lonely season of life. LINKS & RESOURCES:Roses & Radicchio--Alex's Instagram account and newsletterA few other parenting episodes on DEAR NINA (mostly aimed at parents with teens): #2. When Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid; #59. Difficult Teen Friendships & Parent Involvement; #86. Every Friendship Starts With an Act of Bravery; #91. Helping Kids Manage Conflict With Friends; #59. Teaching Kindness Without Forcing FriendshipsModern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb is a book Alex and I both loved. Anna was also featured on several episodes of Dear Nina, most recently #126."The Search for the Perfect Stroller is Really a Search for Control" (I first had this published in Brain, Child Magazine in 2015 and later re-published in Scary Mommy in 2021.)The Peanut app MEET ALEX REED:Alex is a gathering enthusiast, photographer, tech professional, and toddler mom who brings creativity and connection into everyday life. Outside her day job at a Fortune 50, she runs Roses & Radicchio, a lifestyle Instagram and Substack where she shares approachable tips for elevated entertaining, vintage treasure hunts, food and flower creations, and current reads. Passionate about conversations around adult female friendships, Alex uses her platform to celebrate the connections that make life meaningful. She lives in Northern Virginia, just outside Washington, D.C., with her husband, energetic toddler, and their allergy-prone French bulldog.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What happens when we carry shame into our friendships? How does it keep us apart? How does it connect us deeply to others? I spoke with author Melissa Petro, whose book, SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, delves into the complex relationship between shame, identity, and connection. Together we explore how unacknowledged shame affects our ability to form deep, meaningful relationships. Melissa shares her story of working in the sex industry to beginning a career as a writer and an art teacher in New York City and eventually becoming the subject of public scrutiny in many media headlines. She explains how carrying a “concealable, stigmatized identity” weighed on her and how she learned to navigate the delicate process of sharing her story with potential new friends.Our conversation touches on the importance of moving beyond shame, why sharing our stories can foster closeness, and how to be a supportive listener when someone else opens up.HIGHLIGHTS:Why unacknowledged shame can create distance in friendshipsDeciding when and how to share personal secretsHow to respond supportively when friends confide in youMoving past labels and seeing friends as multi-dimensionalPractical ways to foster deeper, more authentic connectionsLINKS & RESOURCES:Episode 95: “Over Talking, Under Talking and Lessons for Friendship and the Art of Storytelling” (with Micaela Blei)Episode 4: “Revealing Too Much Too Soon” (with Christie Tate)MEET MELISSA PETRO:Melissa Petro a cultural journalist, book coach, harm reduction activist and author of SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, published last fall by Putnam Books, a division of Penguin Random House. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This month’s Dear Nina Friendship Challenge taps into the fresh-start energy of September to help you quiet the inner bully telling you you're awkward or not desired and dial up your inner bestie. I'm joined by Leslie Randolph, certified coach and TEDx speaker, who helps adults, tweens, and teens cultivate self-confidence that sticks. Leslie and I break down self-confidence as a skill (not a genetic lottery prize). We encourage listeners to take courageous action even with fear present. And we discuss practical ways to reframe the stories you tell yourself so you can make and keep adult friendships at any stage of life.Find a "how to" for September's challenge at dearnina.substack.com.LINKS & RESOURCES:2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewMy guest spot on Leslie's podcast, Why Didn't They Tell Us? ("Friendship and Fitting In")Dear Nina episode #115: "The Freshmen Energy Trick For Making New Friends As An Adult" MEET LESLIE RANDOLPH:Leslie Randolph is a certified life coach committed to helping tweens and teens cultivate self-confidence. Leslie’s approach is rooted in the belief that self-confidence is not a genetic lottery ticket, but a choice you make and a skill you can develop. Her coaching teaches teens how to set meaningful goals, mindfully manage emotions, develop a growth mindset, and talk to and treat themselves with compassion along the way. Leslie’s proven strategies and supportive approach empowers adolescents to ditch doubt and overcome anxiety so they can unlock their true potential.When not coaching, Leslie is a motivational and TEDx speaker, a workshop facilitator, and the host of Why Didn’t They Tell Us?, an inspirational podcast where she shares the lessons she learned late in life so others can know better . . . sooner.Learn more at confidencecoachforgirls.com or follow along at The Coach Chronicles on Instagram and Facebook. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Thank you to this week's sponsor: https://www.sassythoughts.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands