34. Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

Why do we feel jealous? Jealousy is often a complex, catch-all word that encompasses the emotions of fear, anxiety, disappointment, or anger.   Some people romanticize this feeling in relationships. Others use jealousy as a justification for controlling and destructive behaviour.   On this episode, Sara sits down with Emily, Dedeker, and Jase, the hosts of the Multiamory Podcast (https://www.multiamory.com/), to unpack the topic of jealousy.   We start off by defining what jealousy is, and sharing candid personal experiences to show it’s a familiar, normal feeling.   Instead of trying to avoid or repress jealousy at all costs, Emily, Dedeker and Jase provide a healthy perspective and evidence-based tools on how to deal with jealousy, based on their own relationship research.   Ultimately, feeling some jealousy could be a sign that there’s something you need to work on in a relationship with a partner or on yourself. And it’s crucial to do some self-reflection to identify the root cause of the emotion.   This episode is filled with practical advice about navigating difficult emotions in relationships. Tune in now to understand what your jealous feelings are telling you, and how you can manage them the next time you experience it.   ---    Unlock the secrets to female orgasm  http://sarasense.com/ohhh. Use code BETTERINBED30 for 30% off the masterclass   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com    Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   Check out Multiamory's book for relationship tools http://multiamory.com/book   Support this show http://patreon.com/betterinbed or https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sarasense

Yoni massage, which has its origins in Tantra, has recently been getting a lot of attention in the sexual wellness space.    What is the meaning of Yoni anyway? It’s Sanskrit term that means “sacred portal” and it represents all the female genital parts - the vulva, vagina, womb and feminine essence.   On this episode, Sara is joined by her sex-positive friend Will and Viv Kan (https://www.mindfulintimacy.co), a mindful intimacy coach. They discuss the benefits of yoni massage, what the experience is like and how to incorporate this practice in our intimate lives.    For some, a yoni massage can be used to release emotions or trauma stuck in the pelvic area. And for others, it can be the start of a sexual awakening.    Both Sara and Viv share their memorable experiences around Yoni massages, and how orgasm is not the end goal but an exploration of one’s body and sexual empowerment.    Viv also breaks down how to give yourself or someone else a Yoni massage — from setting the stage to exploring the different parts of female genitals. There are a bunch of practical tips in this episode.    Be inspired to embrace your sensuality and awaken pleasure with this liberating practice by tuning into this episode. ------   -   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com) - 15% off with code BETTERINBED and Adam & Eve (http://adameve.com) - 50% off & free shipping with code BETTERINBED   -    Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

Many of you are busy people with multiple responsibilities and who lead stressful lives. So how do you navigate a good work life, sex life balance?   On this episode, Sara talks with Lisa Fei and celebrity matchmaker Carmelia Ray about how to juggle a busy work life and maintain a fulfilling sex life. Respectively, Lisa and Carmelia are the Founder and Head Coach of the relationship wellness app, Clarity (http://clarityapp.io) which offers tools for navigating every stage of your relationship journey.    Carmelia starts off by defining what an ideal work life, sex life balance could look like and how this is always shifting over time, and with different situations e.g. kids, stress, hormones etc.   We then discuss practical things to do where we’re so busy with work that sex feels like a chore or falls to the bottom of our to-do list.   One of the key takeaways from this episode is that it’s always possible to make time for sex in our busy schedules, it’s just a matter of priorities. Research shows that a good sex life can be beneficial to your career, by reducing stress, boosting productivity and job engagement.   So if you’re someone who’s frequently too busy at work, this episode will show you how to bring balance into your sex life with healthy conversations, good planning and a shift in mindset.     ​​-     Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -     Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -     Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -     Check out the Clarity app: http://clarityapp.io   -     Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

On this bonus episode, I’m sharing an excerpt of a new podcast I’m enjoying and think you will, too. On Come As You Are, educator and bestselling author Dr. Emily Nagoski answers questions about sex with the latest science.   You’ll get a modern guide to sexual wellbeing, backed by groundbreaking research about desire, anatomy, orgasm and much more. In conversation with her producer, Emily debunks cultural myths and flips the script on everything you thought you knew about sex and sexuality.   In this preview, Emily answers a listener’s question about losing the motivation to have sex and introduces us to a concept known as the "dual control model,” which offers a simple but radical shift in the way we think about horniness.   ----   ​​-     Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -     Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -     Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -     Listen to Come As You Are at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/caya?sid=better   -     Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

Curious about attending a sex party, also known as a play party?   Think about entering a party with a giant bed, and everyone’s exploring their kinks and fetishes. It’s a smorgasbord of pleasure…   On this episode, Sara speaks with a sex-positive couple, James and Kat, who enjoy organizing sex parties. They share their experiences on the ins and outs of planning such a party.   James and Kat share the motivations of people in joining a sex party and the kinds of people one might meet at such an event. James and Kat also confess the best and worst play parties they have ever attended.   We give practical tips about the sex party experience— from how to find one, prepare for, and behave at the party. We discuss basic party etiquette such as safety, consent, and so much more.   If you’ve ever fantasised about sex parties, this episode will give you the low-down on what you can expect from attending, or even planning one of your own.      ---   -   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com)   -   Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

How can you enjoy porn ethically - with more of the pleasure and less of the guilt?    Porn is commonly used to accompany masturbation. On this episode, Sara chats with erotic filmmaker Paulita Pappel (www.paulitapappel.com) on what constitutes “ethical porn” and how to consume it in a healthy and responsible way.  As someone who has been both in front and behind the camera, Paulita shares her journey into erotic filmmaking and how she defines her role as a feminist in the industry.   She shares her personal motivations around starting Lustery, a shame-free space for people to share home-made videos of their love and lust with the world.   We also discuss the changing conversation around porn, which is becoming more nuanced and take some time to challenge some commonly held stereotypes.   We wrap up the conversation with some practical tips on being an ethical porn consumer and setting aside the performative mindset around sex.   Instead of porn being a topic fueled by stigma, this conversation with Paulita relooks at porn as a genre of entertainment and a way to understand our sexuality, when used responsibly.   So if you want to develop better porn habits or explore new fantasies, this episode will give you the tools to make the most informed choices in terms of what you consume.      ---   -   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -  Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com, @ohmibod) and Promescent (http://promescent.com, @promescent)   -  Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast 

It’s been called the “Holy Grail” of the woman’s pleasure anatomy. But does the G-spot even exist? It's been a highly debated question.   And one that Sara discusses with co-host Kat Leung and guest Vera Lui on this episode. Vera is the founder of Sally Coco (http://sallystoy.com), the first female-friendly sex toy shop in Hong Kong, and a certified sex educator who is happy to share the latest research on the G-spot (or more accurately, G-area), and debunk its biggest myths.   Finding and stimulating one's G-spot takes time and practice. We explore the many methods to go about it— whether solo with fingers, with toys, or with the assistance of an encouraging partner.   We talk about a big fantasy for some — squirting. We answer all your questions: Why does squirting tend to occur with G-spot stimulation? What makes up the liquid? How does porn influence our ideas on squirting? And so much more.   We also share practical tips and personal stories that make finding your G-spot achievable. Ultimately, we reach the conclusion: everybody is different. But it’s always worth exploring what feels good, especially when it could lead to an intensely satisfying orgasm.   So if you’re someone who wants to explore the G-spot, whether on your own or with someone else, this episode will give you the confidence to unlock its possibilities.    ---   -   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   -   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   -   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   -   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: Womanizer https://www.womanizer.com   -   Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

How do I get my libido back? From antidepressants, to trying to conceive and having kids, Sara invites clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kristin Zeising (http://drzeising.com) on this Sex FAQs episode to tackle the different real-life situations that could cause one’s libido to do a disappearing act. We answer the following questions: “Sex is often over in seconds with my husband. But we ignored these issues because we were great friends. Now I just feel nothing towards him sexually. What should I do?”   “I enjoy masturbating regularly using porn. But when I masturbate too often, it makes me feel less sexually interested in my partner. Does masturbation help or hinder my sexual desire?”   “My girlfriend is on antidepressants and rarely in the mood for sex. It’s beginning to take a toll on my confidence and libido. What can I do?”   “I had a baby 5 years ago, and had post-natal depression. Since then, my libido has never returned. I want to have more desire, but when it comes time for sex, I’ll make any excuse to get out of it. Please help.”   “My wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for over 2 years. Over time, my interest in sex has declined and now occasionally, I struggle to perform. What can we do?”   Kristin and Sara provide practical tips around how to prioritise pleasure and eliminate the pressure around sex, in order to revive the libido. We also give people ideas around opening this difficult conversation with a partner in a compassionate, non-judgemental way. Tune into this episode if you’re looking to break out of a dry spell or want practical tips for these everyday situations. It will help you get your mojo back! --- Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: Promescent (http://promescent.com)   Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

Have you heard of the “male G-spot”? It’s another name for the prostate and it’s a major erogenous zone. But it’s an area that has been largely unexplored by most people.   On this episode, Sara and Prescott Gaylord (http://prescottgaylord.com), an improv actor and intimacy co-ordinator, go on a journey to explore everything in prostate play.   First, we discuss what is a prostate, where you can find it, and the benefits of stimulating it for pleasure. Prescott shares his personal experiences of prostate orgasms, which feel longer lasting and more full-bodied than traditional ejaculatory orgasms.   We alleviate the most common fears and concerns around prostate play, discussing general hygiene and safety practices, and warm-up techniques. And we discuss one of the most commonly heard myths - whether prostate play makes you gay.   Prescott and Sara exchange practical tips around toys, lube, and what to have around your space before exploring prostate play.   We also role-play how to find the prostate, with the consent and communication cues necessary for anyone who is interested in trying this kind of play for the first time.   Tune into this episode to learn more about using the prostate to heighten sexual pleasure and explore the possibilities of the male orgasm. It may change your bedroom dynamics forever.     Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: Promescent (http://promescent.com)   Detailed show notes for this episode at https://www.sarasense.com/podcast-posts/50-exploring-prostate-play

How can you be more mindful with masturbation?   Mindfulness has taken off as a wellness practice in recent years, yet most people don’t generally think of using it in the context of masturbation. Mindful masturbation is all about reconnecting with yourself and focusing on what makes you feel good. The practice encourages everyone to slow down, become conscious of pleasure and explore the body more holistically, instead of just focusing on the genitals. On this episode, Sara and co-host Prescott invite Singaporean sexuality and intimacy coach Gabriel / “Pothos” (https://www.sensualmassageart.com/) to talk about the benefits of mindful masturbation, and how to get started with the practice.    While having a quick orgasm solo can be efficient and convenient, we share how mindful masturbation can bring benefits such as enhanced pleasure, increased sexual confidence, and a release of performance anxiety.   We also discuss how sex journals, fantasising and even porn watching can all be used as tools to discover more about our sexuality, if we use them mindfully.   Finally, Gabriel takes Sara and Prescott through a short, 10 minute guided meditation (for masturbation) demonstration on air, which listeners can follow along to too.   If you’re hoping to gain a deeper understanding of your sexuality the practice of mindful masturbation, this episode will offer you all the tips, insights and guidance you need.     Get bonus content and support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com    Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram   Episode Sponsor: Use code BETTERINBED for 15% off Ohmibod products at https://www.lovelifetoys.com/   Detailed show notes for this episode here http://sarasense.com/podcast